Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Question
Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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6.5
Overall Band
7
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
7
Grammar
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both views regarding the sources of pollution and the responsibilities of the government and individuals. The writer presents a clear opinion and supports it with relevant examples. However, the essay could benefit from a more detailed exploration of ideas and improved coherence.
The essay addresses the task by discussing both perspectives and giving a personal opinion. The arguments are relevant and supported by examples, although they could be expanded further. The conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion but could provide a stronger reiteration of the writer's opinion.
The essay is logically organized with a clear structure, including an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother. The use of cohesive devices is present but somewhat limited, leading to occasional abrupt shifts in ideas.
The vocabulary is appropriate and relevant to the topic, with some variety. However, there is room for more advanced lexical choices and greater precision in word usage. Some repetitive language could be avoided to enhance the lexical range.
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar with a range of sentence structures. Errors are minimal and do not impede understanding. However, further complexity in sentence structures could improve the grammatical range.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Introduction
Pollution has been shown to be caused in large part by the transportation of goods and people. While some believe that the government is fully responsible for its alleviation, others argue that individuals are the main culprit of environmental problems. This essay will contrast the two perspectives and give my own view.
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and presents both viewpoints. It effectively sets up the structure for the rest of the essay. However, it could benefit from a more engaging opening sentence.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, pollution can be controlled by the government through the imposition of strict legislation and policy. For example, they can impose higher taxes on fuel or limit the usage of private cars on the road. Public transportation can also be improved to convince people to commute more environmentally friendly. Individuals may continue using their cars regardless of the damage they cause to the environment without strict policies. Interventions by the government are therefore necessary in order to control pollution effectively.
This paragraph provides relevant examples of how the government can address pollution. The argument is clear, but it could be strengthened by discussing potential challenges or limitations of government intervention.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, individuals also play a significant role in solving this problem. People choose to utilize personal cars instead of public means of transport, leading to high rates of pollution. Additionally, online shopping has contributed to the number of delivery vans on the road, which aggravates the problem. If people made better choices, for instance, sharing cars or buying fewer impulse items, there would be lower pollution. Even if the government enacts laws, they will be useless if people do not change their ways.
The second body paragraph effectively discusses the role of individuals in pollution control. It presents logical arguments and examples. However, the paragraph could be improved by exploring more diverse individual actions and their impacts.
Conclusion
In conclusion, both the government and people have a responsibility in reducing pollution. Although the government can enact laws, people should obey them and embrace environmentally friendly alternatives. Both need to complement each other in order to protect the environment.
The conclusion summarizes the main points well and reinforces the idea of shared responsibility. It effectively closes the essay, but a more emphatic restatement of the writer's opinion could enhance the conclusion.
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