Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Question
Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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6.5
Overall Band
6
Task Response
6
Coherence
7
Lexical
6
Grammar
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views concerning the responsibility for pollution from transportation. However, it lacks depth in argumentation and could benefit from clearer examples and more precise language. Improvements in grammatical accuracy and coherence would enhance the essay's quality.
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views and providing an opinion. However, the arguments presented are somewhat generalized and lack depth. More specific examples and a clearer explanation of how individuals and the government can reduce pollution would strengthen the response.
The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother, and some sentences are fragmented, affecting the overall flow. The cohesion could be improved by using linking words more effectively.
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with some precise word choices. However, there are occasional inaccuracies, and further variety in expression would enhance the lexical resource.
While the essay contains a range of sentence structures, there are several grammatical errors, including issues with punctuation and sentence fragments. Improving grammatical accuracy and sentence complexity would strengthen the essay.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Introduction
Researchers have pointed out the relation between the distribution, mobility and the destruction of our ecosystem, such finding has sparked a heated debate about whether who is to be responsible for the problem. Some people believe that politicians should take responsibility while others, including me, think that individuals should also be held accountable.
The introduction sets the scene for the discussion, but it contains a comma splice error. It could more clearly state the positions to be discussed and the writer's stance.
Body paragraph 1
Granted, it is true that the government can have many fitting responses regarding the situation considering the fact that they are the highest authority figures. First, they are able to implement policies, enforce regulations, allocate funds and impose fines. That kind of resource can play a huge role in minimizing environmental damage. Secondly, law enforcers can influence public behaviors on a wide scale. They can encourage civilians to adopt an environmentally-friendly lifestyle and also guide business to a greener approach.
This paragraph outlines the government's potential role effectively but lacks specific examples or evidence to support the claims. The transition between sentences could be smoother.
Body paragraph 2
Having said that, policies can be pointless without the support of the public. Which is why I believe individuals' contribution is more significant than lawmakers. The collective impact of the communities through daily action can have massive impact in the long term. Small changes in habits, such as reducing plastic use, prioritizing public transportations and recycling can, over time, lead to substantial environmental benefits. For example, countries like Japan are the prime example of community-based effort, they recorded a very low pollution rate with very little litter seen thrown on the streets. Furthermore, the community's effort may be more effective. They have the ability to flexibly implement actions directly related to addressing the ecosystem’s problems in their area.
This paragraph provides a good argument for individual responsibility, supported by an example. However, the sentence structure could be improved for clarity, and the example could be more detailed.
Conclusion
In conclusion, while lawmakers do have huge influence regarding the pollution problem, in the long run, civilian contribution can be much more profitable. The best solution is for both figures to cooperate for the greatest possible outcome.
The conclusion summarizes the main points and offers a balanced solution. It could be strengthened by explicitly restating the opinion and the reasons behind it.
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