Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Question
Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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6.5
Overall Band
7
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
6
Grammar
The essay addresses the topic and presents a clear opinion. However, it could be improved by providing a more balanced discussion of both views and by enhancing coherence and cohesion. Lexical resources and grammatical accuracy are satisfactory but could be developed further.
The essay clearly discusses both views and states an opinion. However, the balance between discussing the roles of individuals and the government could be improved. More evidence and examples could also strengthen the arguments presented.
The essay is logically organized with clear paragraphs, but transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother. The use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited and occasionally awkward.
The vocabulary used is appropriate and relevant to the topic, but there are instances of awkward phrasing and repetition. Expanding the range of vocabulary and using more precise terms would enhance the essay.
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are noticeable errors in sentence structure, verb tense, and subject-verb agreement. Improving these areas will enhance clarity and fluency.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Introduction
Environmental issues such as pollution have become a major concern in recent years. It is claimed that the transportation of goods and passengers are the main and obvious reasons, while many think that the government should be responsible for this problem. From my perspective, I strongly believe that both individuals and politicians should be in charge of this phenomenon.
The introduction clearly states the issue and presents the writer's opinion. However, the transition from discussing the problem to stating the opinion could be smoother.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, human activities such as transportation of products and people can lead to many consequences. Firstly, the emission from a large number of vehicles is the reason that can be clearly seen. Most of the vehicles such as cars, motorbikes or trucks release to the environment an amount of carbon dioxide, which is one of the most popular pollutants resulting in air pollution. For example, Hanoi city is the most contaminated city in the world with the worst air quality, increasing more health problems to residents. Secondly, transportation of goods has destroyed the sea because of many accidents caused by humans. According to the New York Times, more than 35% of the sea in the 21st century has spread oil into the sea, adversely affecting aquamarine and biodiversity. These faults lead to the run out of underwater animals, and people have to face up with large amounts of contaminants around them.
The paragraph presents valid points about the impact of transportation on pollution. However, it could be more concise and focused. Some examples and statistics seem exaggerated or unclear, which may affect credibility.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, the government do not take properly responsibility to pollution. The politicians do not implement strict environmental laws for businesses. Most companies now freely release untreated waste to the sea or rivers, this can damage the underwater habitats and also strongly impact on households near industrial areas. In fact, the sea around the world now contains amount of garbage from human activities, and some villages using beaches to improve tourism have to deal with this issues. Additionally, the government do not develop a campaign to spread the awareness of environmental issues. The lack of information about pollution make individuals do not acknowledge about how is the environment be; Therefore, they can not take action immediately to prevent pollution from individuals’ actions.
This paragraph discusses the role of the government but includes several grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. The argument could be strengthened with more specific examples of government actions or inactions. The paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences and transitions.
Conclusion
To sum up, I claim that not only individuals and also the government are worsening the environment day by day. Humans should be aware that their activities can cause lots of environmental problems, while the government should publish more strict environmental laws to limit the human’s effect, and give information about pollution to residents to tackle this phenomenon.
The conclusion restates the main opinion and suggests solutions, which is effective. However, it could be more concise and focused on summarizing the main points discussed in the essay.
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