Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Question
Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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5
Overall Band
5
Task Response
5
Coherence
5
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay presents a basic understanding of the topic and includes some relevant ideas. However, it lacks clarity and precision in argumentation. There are notable grammatical errors, and the vocabulary used is often repetitive and occasionally incorrect. The coherence and cohesion of the essay are weak, making it hard to follow the argument. Greater development of ideas and clearer structure would improve this essay.
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views and providing an opinion. However, the arguments are not well-developed, and the opinion is not strongly justified. The writer should provide more detailed explanations and examples to support their points. The conclusion merely repeats the opinion without adding any new insights.
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the ideas within paragraphs are not well-organized, and transitions between sentences and ideas are weak. Some sentences are disjointed, making the argument difficult to follow.
The vocabulary is limited and often repetitive, with several instances of incorrect word choice (e.g., 'responsibily', 'informations'). The essay lacks variety in vocabulary and does not demonstrate a strong lexical range. There is also some inconsistency in word form usage.
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement, incorrect pluralization, and misuse of articles. These errors detract from the overall readability and comprehension of the essay. There is also a lack of complex sentence structures.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Introduction
Nowadays, by the significant growth of technology, pollution is one of the most dangerous issues all over the world, which caused by the transportation of products and people. There are two opposite opinions about this problems. Some individuals says that the government should have responsibily in this, while others show that this issues is happened by people. In this essay, I will discuss both views and give my own opinion.
The introduction attempts to outline the topic but contains several grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. It sets up the essay but lacks clarity. The thesis statement could be more specific in outlining the essay's structure.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, it is said that the government should be in charge of this problem. Because of having the highest voice, they can put the rules for people to protect the atmosphere in their countries. It can create the responsibily in almost people in this country in preserving the atmosphere, make the air fresh and clear. Additionally, government should check carefully when it has informations about pollution in their countries. It can help them to find and solve the pollute issues early, create the higher life value for people.
This paragraph presents the view that the government should be responsible but lacks depth and clarity. There are several grammatical mistakes, and the ideas are not well-developed. The paragraph would benefit from more specific examples and clearer connections between ideas.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, some individual believe that pollution is created by the fault of people. We can say that almost people do not have responsibility in protecting their own life and atmosphere. In this problems, individuals should be in charge, decrease the number of breaking such as firing forests or using too much gas vehicles. Besides, people can deal with this issue by decreasing the number of transportation of products, which also make the air more polluted.
This paragraph attempts to discuss the role of individuals but is hindered by vague language and a lack of development. The grammar errors and unclear phrasing make it difficult to follow. The argument would benefit from more concrete examples and a clearer structure.
Conclusion
While there are two different opinions for the main source of pollution, I believe that this problems is happened by the fault of individuals. If the governments are in charge of this when people continue to go in opposite way in reducing the pollution, this issues can not be solved. In conclusion, I believe that humans have faults in this problem. To deal with this issue, people should have changes in their mind to preserving the atmosphere, which also protecting their healths.
The conclusion reiterates the opinion but does not add any new insights or clearly summarize the main points discussed. It is repetitive and contains several grammatical errors. A stronger conclusion would restate the main arguments and offer a more conclusive opinion.
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