Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Question
Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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6
Overall Band
6
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views and presenting an opinion. However, it lacks depth in exploring the arguments and contains grammatical errors. The structure is logical, but the cohesion between sentences could be improved. Vocabulary is adequate but lacks variety and precision.
The essay discusses both views and provides an opinion, but the arguments are not thoroughly developed. The conclusion is present but does not strongly reflect the discussion. More specific examples and detailed explanations are needed to enhance the task response.
The essay follows a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are instances where cohesion could be improved. Transitional phrases are sometimes missing, which affects the flow of ideas.
The vocabulary used is appropriate but lacks variety. Some phrases are repetitive, and there are minor issues with word choice and collocations, which limit the lexical range.
There are several grammatical errors throughout the essay, including subject-verb agreement, incorrect verb forms, and punctuation issues. These errors sometimes obscure meaning and affect the overall readability.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Introduction
Researchers and scientists have reported that the cause of environmental issues are due to the transportation of items and citizens. While some believe the government have the responsibility to deal with pollution, others argue that it is the people themselves who contribute to the damage of eco-system. In this essay, both aspects will be discussed to conclude whether it is the fault of individuals or government that cause environment problems
The introduction sets the context but contains grammatical errors (e.g., 'cause of environmental issues are'). The thesis statement is present but could be clearer. The introduction could benefit from a more precise articulation of the main argument.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly, the transportations of goods that are damaging the environment can be prevented by strict rules from the government. Shipping commodities or private vehicles contain various potential harms for the eco-system such as the increasing number of vehicles that produce gas emission, the amount of waste from packaging items,.... and those consequences can only be limited by the power of authority. By having more laws for the area of shipping products and transportation, the government hold a essential role in protecting the environment. Moreover, government have the ability to raise awareness among their citizens, showing them approaches to prevent harming the eco-system. For instance, government can encourage people to use public transport or constructing more alternative roads for those vehicles
The paragraph presents the argument that government intervention is necessary. It includes some relevant points but lacks development and specific examples. There are grammatical errors (e.g., 'transportations,' 'government hold a essential role'). More cohesive devices are needed for better flow.
Body paragraph 2
However, the individuals also hold a key role in reducing the amount of pollution. It is undeniable how various pollution issues are due to the irresponsibility of citizens. They use private vehicles for convenience without knowing about the potential harms to the eco-system. People choosing to purchase products online which increase the transportation of items is one of the most vivid examples since online shopping provide them various benefits. Therefore, individuals should be acknowledged about the negative effect of private vehicles or shipping goods. As a result, environment problems can be limited with collective efforts from everyone
This paragraph discusses the role of individuals in contributing to pollution. The points are relevant but not deeply explored. There are grammatical errors (e.g., 'individuals should be acknowledged about'). The paragraph could benefit from more precise examples and clearer links between ideas.
Conclusion
In conclusion, even thou the government hold the power to avoid environment problems like pollution, individuals should also have the responsibility to contribute their efforts for a clean environment
The conclusion summarizes the main points but is brief and lacks impact. There is a grammatical error ('even thou'). It could be strengthened by reinforcing the arguments made and offering a more compelling final statement.
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