Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Question
Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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6
Overall Band
6
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay addresses the task with a clear position and discusses both views, but it lacks depth and development in some areas. The arguments could be further elaborated with more specific examples. Coherence and cohesion are generally maintained, though there are some issues with paragraph structure and transitions. Lexical resource is adequate, but there are errors in word choice and usage. Grammatical range and accuracy are somewhat limited, with noticeable errors that affect readability.
The essay presents a clear position and discusses both views. However, the arguments could be better developed with more examples and explanations. The opinion is stated, but the reasoning behind it lacks depth. The essay addresses the question but needs more elaboration on how individuals and governments can specifically work together.
The essay is generally well-organized, but transitions between ideas could be smoother. Paragraphs are generally clear, but some sentences disrupt the flow. More cohesive devices could be used to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to address the topic but includes some errors in word choice and usage (e.g., 'major reason of pollution' should be 'major cause of pollution'). There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary, but it is not always used accurately.
There are several grammatical errors throughout the essay, including subject-verb agreement issues ('the government have' should be 'the government has') and incorrect use of articles ('the states' should be 'states'). These errors sometimes obscure meaning and affect the readability of the essay.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Introduction
Many recent studies have demonstrated that the major reason of pollution are transportation of commodities and people. Some individuals say that the states should be responsible for this problem, while other argue that it is the obligation of all residents. In my opinion, I believe that both governments and citizens should cooperate to address the pollution from transportation, leading to the best results.
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and the two perspectives. It also states the writer's opinion, which is good. However, there are grammatical errors such as 'reason of pollution are' that need correction.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there are several reasons why the authorities should be those who solve the pollution caused by transportation. First, the government have the strong influence on people activities. As a result, they should organize some environmental campaigns to raise people awareness of the negative effects on the ecosystem caused by their daily activities, making them reduce their habits that produce trash . Moreover, they have the ability to impose tax and implement laws on transport activities in order to reduce the gas emission from those vehicles. For example, the states can encourage companies to use renewable resources instead of fossil fuels in there transport chain, which is more environmental-friendly and cause less pollutant.
This paragraph presents arguments for government responsibility. It includes relevant points but could benefit from more development and examples. There are grammatical errors such as 'government have' and 'there transport chain' that need attention.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, individuals should change their traveling habits to diminish the amount of CO2 released from transportation. In fact, many reports have illustrated that the large number of private means of transport seems to be the main resource of pollution. As a consequence, people should switch to public transportation to decrease the number of vehicles on the road, which significantly contribute to less pollution from transport.
This paragraph discusses the role of individuals. It presents a reasonable argument but lacks depth and specific examples. The paragraph could be improved by elaborating on how individuals can practically change their habits.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that the collective efforts among residents and states would be the best way to ease the pollution related to transportation as the government can increase people’s knowledge of environment or tax on the transportation, while each citizens can limit the use of personal transportation.
The conclusion summarizes the main points and restates the writer's opinion. However, it could be more concise and free of grammatical errors, such as 'each citizens.'
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