Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Question
Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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6.5
Overall Band
6
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
6.5
Grammar
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views and providing an opinion. However, there are areas for improvement in task response, coherence and cohesion, lexical resource, and grammatical accuracy. The essay could benefit from clearer organization, more precise vocabulary, and varied sentence structures.
The essay discusses both sides of the argument and provides a clear opinion. However, it could provide more detailed examples and explanations to support its points. The conclusion summarizes the main ideas but could be more comprehensive.
The essay is generally well-organized, but the ideas could be more clearly linked. Some sentences could benefit from clearer transitions to improve flow. Paragraphing is adequate, but the development of ideas within paragraphs could be more logical.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, but there are some inaccuracies and repetitions. More precise and varied vocabulary could enhance the essay. There are minor errors in word choice and collocation.
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors in subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure. More complex sentences could be used to enhance grammatical range.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Introduction
Many recent studies have demonstrated that the major reason of pollution are transportation of commodities and people. Some individuals say that the states should be responsible for this problem, while other argue that it is the obligation of all residents. In my opinion, I believe that both governments and citizens should cooperate to address the pollution from transportation, leading to the best results.
The introduction sets the context and presents the main argument. However, there is a subject-verb agreement error ('reason of pollution are'). The thesis statement is clear, but it could be more specific about how cooperation could lead to the best results.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there are several reasons why the authorities should be those who solve the pollution caused by transportation. First, the government have the strong influence on people activities. As a result, they should organize some environmental campaigns to raise people awareness of the negative effects on the ecosystem caused by their daily activities, making them reduce their habits that produce trash . Moreover, they have the ability to impose tax and implement laws on transport activities in order to reduce the gas emission from those vehicles. For example, the states can encourage companies to use renewable resources instead of fossil fuels in there transport chain, which is more environmental-friendly and cause less pollutant.
This paragraph provides reasons why the government should take responsibility. There are some grammatical errors ('government have', 'there transport chain') and word choice issues ('more environmental-friendly'). The examples provided could be more specific to strengthen the argument.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, individuals should change their traveling habits to diminish the amount of CO2 released from transportation. In fact, many reports have illustrated that the large number of private means of transport seems to be the main resource of pollution. As a consequence, people should switch to public transportation to decrease the number of vehicles on the road, which significantly contribute to less pollution from transport.
The paragraph outlines the responsibility of individuals. It presents a clear point, but the explanation could be more developed. There is a grammatical error ('which significantly contribute') and a repetition of ideas.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that the collective efforts among residents and states would be the best way to ease the pollution related to transportation as the government can increase people’s knowledge of environment or tax on the transportation, while each citizens can limit the use of personal transportation.
The conclusion summarizes the main points and restates the opinion. However, it could provide a more comprehensive summary and address the benefits of the proposed solution more explicitly. There is a grammatical error ('each citizens').
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