Evaluation for Question #8778

Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Question

Your Essay

Nowadays, it is a research told that the carriage of people and commodities are the main cause of contamination. It leads to an argument that while some people think the authority should be responsible for this, others believe it is the responsibility of people. I fully agree with the opinion that the pollution is the fault of individuals and this essay will analyse advantages and of individuals and lawmakers in the field of contamination.
   On the one hand, people who believe that the government has responsibility for pollution might point out the  effects of the authority in protecting the ecosystem. Firstly, politicians have power to take the laws of preserving the environment. It means that they can impose the taxes on unsustainable poducts and fine citizens implementing activities affecting badly to the ecosystem. The regulations make residents have to obey because they can be jailed or punished if they object laws. Secondly, they can attract international investment through some green environmental programs. It leads to the higher amount of money to organize some environmental preserving activities such as building public transports and widening the road to limit the high density of vehicles on the roads, especially at peak time and reduce the pollution led from the transportation of products and individuals.
    On the other hand, individuals are seemed to have fault in environmental problems. Their uses of vehicles of them and the demands of products cause the high density of transports and the high amount of emissions. All of the smokes and wastes from vehicles which are emitted impact the ecosystem in a negative way. Therefore, they are in charge of environmental contamination by solving it through protecting environment actities ranging from collective ecosystem-conserving actions and using more public transports to restrict the emissions. The root cause is the lack of people’ awareness, so environmental pollution  can be altered if they are more have some actions for preserving the ecosystem. 
     In conclusion, individuals have more reponsibilities for environmental conservation because of their high demands of utilizing products and vehicles although the government have power and rights to reduce it. The authority’s responsiblities can affect a little bit, the pollution depends much on the percaption of people.

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5.5

Overall Band

Task Response

Coherence

5.5

Lexical

5.5

Grammar

The essay attempts to address the task by discussing both perspectives on the issue of pollution caused by transportation. However, the argumentation lacks clarity and depth, and the opinion is not fully developed. The essay needs improvement in coherence and cohesion, as well as in grammatical accuracy and lexical resource.

The task is addressed by discussing both views and giving an opinion, but the analysis is superficial. The opinion that individuals are more responsible for pollution is stated but not effectively justified. The essay lacks depth in exploring how individuals or governments can effectively mitigate pollution.

The essay structure is generally clear with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there is a lack of logical progression of ideas and insufficient use of linking words to guide the reader through the arguments. Some sentences are disjointed, making it difficult to follow the argument.

The vocabulary range is limited, with some attempts to use more complex words. However, there are several inaccuracies, such as 'poducts' and 'percaption'. There is also repetition of certain phrases, which affects the overall lexical range.

The essay contains frequent grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues, incorrect article usage, and awkward phrasing. These errors detract from the overall clarity and readability of the essay. Sentence structures are varied but often incorrect.

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Question:
Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Introduction

The introduction attempts to present the topic, but it contains awkward phrasing and lacks clarity. The thesis statement is not clearly articulated, and there's a grammatical error in 'a research told'. The introduction should better set up the discussion and clearly state the writer's opinion.

Body paragraph 1

On the one hand, people who believe that the government has responsibility for pollution might point out the effects of the authority in protecting the ecosystem. Firstly, politicians have power to take the laws of preserving the environment. It means that they can impose the taxes on unsustainable poducts and fine citizens implementing activities affecting badly to the ecosystem. The regulations make residents have to obey because they can be jailed or punished if they object laws. Secondly, they can attract international investment through some green environmental programs. It leads to the higher amount of money to organize some environmental preserving activities such as building public transports and widening the road to limit the high density of vehicles on the roads, especially at peak time and reduce the pollution led from the transportation of products and individuals.

The paragraph introduces some valid points about governmental responsibilities, but the ideas are not well-developed. The explanation is vague, and there are several grammatical errors, such as 'take the laws' and 'object laws'. The argument could be strengthened by providing more specific examples and clearer explanations.

Body paragraph 2

On the other hand, individuals are seemed to have fault in environmental problems. Their uses of vehicles of them and the demands of products cause the high density of transports and the high amount of emissions. All of the smokes and wastes from vehicles which are emitted impact the ecosystem in a negative way. Therefore, they are in charge of environmental contamination by solving it through protecting environment actities ranging from collective ecosystem-conserving actions and using more public transports to restrict the emissions. The root cause is the lack of people’ awareness, so environmental pollution can be altered if they are more have some actions for preserving the ecosystem.

This paragraph attempts to argue that individuals are responsible for pollution, but it lacks clarity and coherence. The phrasing is often awkward, and the argument is not well-supported. More concrete examples and clearer explanations are needed to make the argument convincing.

Conclusion

In conclusion, individuals have more reponsibilities for environmental conservation because of their high demands of utilizing products and vehicles although the government have power and rights to reduce it. The authority’s responsiblities can affect a little bit, the pollution depends much on the percaption of people.

The conclusion reiterates the opinion that individuals are more responsible, but it is not clearly articulated. There is a lack of summary of key points, and the sentence structures are awkward. The conclusion should effectively synthesize the arguments and leave the reader with a clear understanding of the writer's position.

Evaluation for Question #8778

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

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Evaluation for Question #8778

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

Đăng ký học với AIM8IELTS.com

Links

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công​

(+84) 0383-096-717

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN​

(+84) 0383-096-717

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN