Advertising is becoming more common in everyday life. Is this a positive or negative development?
Question
Advertising is becoming more common in everyday life. Is this a positive or negative development?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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5.5
Overall Band
6
Task Response
5
Coherence
5
Lexical
6
Grammar
The essay presents a clear stance on the issue of advertising, highlighting its negative impacts. However, it lacks depth in argumentation and analysis. The ideas are repetitive and not sufficiently developed. Additionally, the essay could benefit from more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to improve coherence and grammatical range.
The task is addressed with a clear position against advertising, and three main negative effects are identified: unnecessary consumption, dishonesty, and annoyance. However, the arguments are somewhat repetitive and lack depth. More examples and evidence could strengthen the argument.
The essay structure is basic, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the paragraphs are not effectively developed, and ideas are somewhat repetitive. Transitions between ideas and paragraphs are minimal, affecting the overall flow and coherence.
The vocabulary is quite limited and lacks variety. There is a reliance on basic language, and some phrases are repeated. More synonyms and advanced vocabulary could enhance the lexical resource score.
The essay uses simple sentence structures correctly, but there is a lack of complex sentences. Minor grammatical errors are present, but they do not impede understanding. Using a wider range of grammatical structures would improve the score.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Advertising is becoming more common in everyday life. Is this a positive or negative development?
Introduction
Nowadays, advertisements appear everywhere, on public transportation and social media platforms. Some argue that advertising benefits the economy, but in my opinion, advertising has more harmful effects. In this essay, I will discuss those harmful effects
The introduction clearly states the topic and the writer's position. However, it could be improved by briefly outlining the main points that will be discussed in the essay.
Body paragraph 1
First, advertising makes us buy too much. We are constantly exposed to beautiful images of life, making us think that buying more things will make us happier. This leads to unnecessary spending, debt, and waste. Instead of buying what we need, we buy what the ads want us to buy.
The paragraph introduces the idea of overconsumption due to advertising but lacks detailed examples and analysis. It would benefit from specific instances or studies supporting the claim.
Body paragraph 2
Second, advertising often uses dishonest methods to convince us to buy. They use emotions, celebrities, and false information to make us buy. This makes us lose trust and unable to make the right decisions. Seeing too many ads like this makes us more likely to buy things we don't need.
The paragraph discusses the dishonesty in advertising but is repetitive and lacks depth. More detailed examples or case studies could enhance the argument and provide more convincing support.
Conclusion
In short, advertising is becoming more and more harmful. It makes us shop too much, uses dishonest ways to sell things, and annoys us everywhere. We need to rethink how we view advertising and reduce its influence on our lives.
The conclusion summarizes the main points but is quite brief. It could be improved by providing a more conclusive statement or suggesting solutions to the issues raised.
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