Advertising is becoming more common in everyday life. Is this a positive or negative development?
Question
Advertising is becoming more common in everyday life. Is this a positive or negative development?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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6
Overall Band
6
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay presents a clear position and attempts to address both sides of the argument. However, the response could be improved by providing more detailed examples and clearer explanations. The coherence and cohesion are satisfactory, but there are some lapses in grammatical accuracy and lexical choice that need attention.
The essay addresses the task and presents a position, but the argumentation lacks depth and specific examples that would strengthen the points made. The conclusion aligns with the introduction, but the exploration of arguments could be expanded.
The essay is logically organized with clear paragraphing. However, some ideas could be more clearly linked, and there are occasional lapses in cohesion. Transitional phrases could be used more effectively to enhance the flow of ideas.
The vocabulary is sufficient to address the task, but there are some inaccuracies and repetitions. A wider range of vocabulary could be used to convey more precise meanings and enhance the overall quality of the writing.
There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that detract from the overall quality of the essay. The range of grammatical structures is somewhat limited, and greater accuracy is required for a higher score.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Advertising is becoming more common in everyday life. Is this a positive or negative development?
Introduction
Nowadays advertising is becoming more and more familiar in daily life. There are many arguments surrounding these subjects including the pros and cons of advertisements. In my point of view, I think these developments have more drawbacks. This essay will explore both sides of these arguments before reaching a conclusion.
The introduction effectively sets up the topic and clearly states the writer's position. However, it could be more concise, and the phrase 'these subjects' is vague. A more explicit thesis statement could improve clarity.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, businesses usually promote their products or services through celebrities, thanks to their influence that these products can reach potential customers and raise their brand awareness. A campaign that is run by a celebrity would certainly help the increase for companies and also boost the economy for the society. Furthermore, from online and offline advertisements, buyers are provided with useful information that helps them to choose the most suitable item for their daily life. Moreover, this specially helps them to fulfil the demands and needs to improve their quality of life.
This paragraph outlines some positive aspects of advertising. While the ideas are relevant, they are somewhat underdeveloped. Specific examples or data could strengthen the argument. The transition between points could be smoother.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, some advertisements gives us untrue and misunderstanding information, because business tend to exaggerate the quality of product to attract customers. So it is very disappointing for buyers when they receive actual products, leading to them returning those items without being refunded. Another drawback of advertisement is it creates a trend that every person will pursue the latest and modest like in the advertisement. This may lead to a huge impulse buying trend of unnecessary items without careful decision.
This paragraph presents the negative aspects of advertising. The points are relevant, but there are several grammatical errors. The explanation of 'impulse buying' could be more detailed, and the term 'modest' seems incorrect in context.
Conclusion
All in all, the facts mentioned above have created a dilemma for both the advance and drawback of advertising. As far as I am concerned, my point of view still thinks that the drawbacks out-weight the advantages.
The conclusion restates the writer's position but does not summarize the main points effectively. The phrase 'out-weight' should be corrected to 'outweigh.' It would benefit from a clearer summary of key arguments.
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