Advertising is becoming more common in everyday life. Is this a positive or negative development?
Question
Advertising is becoming more common in everyday life. Is this a positive or negative development?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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5.5
Overall Band
6
Task Response
5
Coherence
6
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay addresses the task by discussing the negative impact of advertising on individuality. However, it lacks a clear structure and does not fully develop the points mentioned. The coherence is affected by the absence of clear paragraph divisions and transitions. Additionally, there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that hinder comprehension.
The essay provides an argument that advertising negatively impacts individuality by promoting unrealistic standards. However, the argument is not fully developed, and some points are repeated. More examples and a broader discussion of advertising's effects would strengthen the response.
The essay lacks clear paragraph divisions, making it difficult to follow the argument. There is a need for better organization and use of cohesive devices to guide the reader through the argument. Transitions between ideas are weak, and the essay would benefit from a clearer structure.
The vocabulary used is appropriate but limited. There are some attempts to use more complex words and phrases, though not always accurately. The essay could be improved by expanding the range of vocabulary and avoiding repetition.
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms, awkward sentence structures, and punctuation mistakes. These errors affect the clarity and coherence of the argument. Improving grammatical accuracy and sentence variety would enhance the essay.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Advertising is becoming more common in everyday life. Is this a positive or negative development?
Introduction
Advertising discourages individuality by promoting uniform beauty and exceeding reality.
The introduction presents a clear thesis statement, but it is too brief and lacks a hook or a broader context to introduce the topic effectively.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly, marketing campaigns repeatedly present on various platforms, both online and offline. Hence, with the constant exposure of promotions, the idealized images on the ads shaped the societal standards in people, creating the criterias for society to evaluate beauty and attractiveness.
This paragraph introduces the idea of constant exposure to advertising but lacks development and specific examples. The argument would benefit from further elaboration and clearer explanation.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly, exaggerated information, unrealistic beauty or life standards are the factors for contributing the impractical magic on the advertisements. Many commercials use heavily edited images, elevating the performance of the products to an unreachable standard. Mis-leading information advertisements influence people to chase unfeasible public standards, which can make them lose their own diversity in personal appearances and styles. For instance , weight loss advertisements feature dramatic before-and-after transformations, making people believe they can achieve such results effortlessly.
This paragraph provides more specific examples, such as weight loss ads, to illustrate the negative influence of advertising. However, it still lacks depth and analysis. More discussion on the broader implications of these portrayals would strengthen the argument.
Conclusion
These unrealistic portrayals can lead individuals to chase unattainable ideals, fostering dissatisfaction with their natural appearance and lifestyle.
The conclusion restates the main point but is too brief and does not summarize the essay effectively. A more comprehensive conclusion would help to reinforce the argument and provide a clearer summary of the key points discussed.
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