Advertising is becoming more common in everyday life. Is this a positive or negative development?
Question
Advertising is becoming more common in everyday life. Is this a positive or negative development?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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7
Overall Band
7
Task Response
7
Coherence
7
Lexical
7
Grammar
The essay effectively addresses both positive and negative aspects of advertising and provides clear examples to support the arguments. However, the essay could benefit from a more definitive stance on whether the development is predominantly positive or negative, and a stronger thesis statement in the introduction.
The essay addresses the task by discussing both positive and negative aspects of advertising and provides relevant examples to support the points made. However, the thesis statement is vague as it states that advertising is both positive and negative without clearly supporting one side. A more definitive response to the question could enhance the task response.
The essay is well-organized with clear paragraphing. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, and ideas are logically sequenced. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother to improve coherence.
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and uses some expressions effectively. However, there are occasional inaccuracies and repetitive phrases such as 'advertising' and 'products'. A wider range of vocabulary and more precise word choices would increase the score.
The essay generally uses a variety of grammatical structures accurately. However, there are a few minor errors, such as incorrect verb forms and occasional awkward sentence constructions. More complex sentence structures could enhance the score.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Advertising is becoming more common in everyday life. Is this a positive or negative development?
Introduction
The development of business has undeniably led to a proliferation of advertising on various forms of media. Personally, I believe that this phenomenon is both positive and negative.
The introduction provides a general overview of the topic and presents the writer's opinion. However, the thesis statement is vague and does not clearly indicate whether advertising is predominantly positive or negative.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there are three main benefits of advertising to society. To begin with, thanks to commercials, customers can be informed of newly launched products and services. In other words, they are aware of the array of selections available that align with their preferences and needs; otherwise, they are confined to only a narrow range of products. Another noticeable advantage is that companies can reach their potential consumers, capturing more market shares and business growth. In addition, the expansion of advertising can create far-reaching employment opportunities, ranging from design to photography and content writing. On a larger scale, advertising serves as a bridge between manufacturers and buyers, expanding business opportunities and raising living standards.
This paragraph discusses the positive aspects of advertising effectively. It provides specific examples and explains how advertising benefits society. The ideas are well-organized, but some transitions between sentences could be smoother.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, it is important to acknowledge the negative aspects of advertising. Firstly, deceptive advertising practices can mislead consumers and result in dissatisfaction when products do not meet expectations. This is evident in advertisements for skincare products which are all advertised as being able to boost genes and make skin look visibly younger within just one week. However, there are no studies proving that they have abilities to do such things. Secondly, the persuasive nature of advertising can tempt people to make unnecessary purchases or acquire things that they do not really need. This trend can lead to consumerism and potentially waste consumption. For example, it has been observed that the young generation nowadays spends a huge amount of money unconsciously buying fashion items such as clothing, shoes and bags. This can be explained by the extensive exposure to advertisements available on social media like Facebook and TikTok.
This paragraph effectively explains the negative aspects of advertising, using specific examples to illustrate the points. It is well-organized and coherent, though the transition between the examples could be more fluid. The paragraph could also benefit from a greater variety of vocabulary.
Conclusion
In conclusion, although advertising has certain benefits to society, it also involves deceptions and compulsive consumption. Striking a balance between the benefits of advertising and its drawbacks is essential and responsible advertising practices that prioritize transparency should be encouraged.
The conclusion summarizes the main points effectively and suggests a balanced approach to advertising. However, it does not clearly state whether the overall development is more positive or negative, which could make the argument stronger.
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