Advertising is becoming more common in everyday life. Is this a positive or negative development?
Question
Advertising is becoming more common in everyday life. Is this a positive or negative development?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
You can edit this text for your reference. Changes will not be saved.
5.5
Overall Band
6
Task Response
5
Coherence
5
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay presents a position that advertising is a positive development and provides some examples to support this view. However, the argument lacks depth and development, and there are several language errors that affect the clarity of the essay. The structure is generally clear, but there are issues with coherence and cohesion, and more sophisticated vocabulary and complex sentence structures are needed.
The essay addresses the task by presenting a clear position that advertising is a positive development and supports this view with relevant examples. However, the argument could be developed more fully, particularly in discussing potential drawbacks or counterarguments to provide a more balanced view. The conclusion is somewhat repetitive and lacks new insights.
The essay is generally organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are coherence issues due to abrupt transitions and lack of logical flow between sentences and ideas. The use of cohesive devices is limited, and some ideas are not fully connected, affecting the overall cohesion.
The essay uses basic vocabulary relevant to the topic, but there is a lack of variety and sophistication. Some word choices are repetitive, and there are several inaccuracies (e.g., 'guests' instead of 'customers'). The essay would benefit from a wider range of vocabulary and more precise word choices.
There are frequent grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms, sentence fragments, and issues with article usage. These errors sometimes make the essay difficult to understand. The essay would benefit from greater grammatical range and accuracy, particularly in using complex sentence structures.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Advertising is becoming more common in everyday life. Is this a positive or negative development?
Introduction
In this fast-paced world, advertisement is a controversial topic in the world. This is because advertisements are becoming more and more popular in daily life. I think it is a positive development and I will discuss in this passage
The introduction provides a general statement about advertising and states the writer's position. However, the thesis statement is not clearly articulated, and the language is somewhat vague. It could be improved by clearly outlining the main points that will be discussed in the essay.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, advertisements that promote customers have the best deal. When you want to research a product you want to buy you can watch product advertisements that provide you information about the product. Moreover, you can watch a wide range of product advertisements so you can compare all of the similar products with information such as prices, dates or insurance and you will have the best deal for yourself. For instance, you want to buy a television and you can access a variety of television advertisements from many television brands such as Sony, Samsung, LG, or Xiaomi. You will have many options to choose television, and you will have the best television with affordable prices.
This paragraph presents a clear point about advertisements helping customers find the best deals. The example given is relevant, but the explanation could be more concise and better linked to the main argument. There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that affect clarity.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly, advertisements help customers have long-term benefits. When companies use commercials to advertise they always need to upgrade their standard of products. This is because there are thousands of companies in the market that establish the same products so if they are not upgraded, guests still have many options to buy the same products and the company will be bankrupt. Therefore every company tries their best because they want customers to buy their product and guests can have opportunities to buy good standard goods. Consumers don’t need to care about the quality of products because companies always compete in the market. For instance, Apple and Samsung, two biggest companies in technology devices, always establish a new model of smartphones every year so guests can access the latest technology features every year.
This paragraph discusses how advertising encourages companies to maintain high standards. The example of Apple and Samsung is appropriate, but the argument lacks depth and could be expanded with more analysis. There are several language errors and unclear phrasing, particularly with the use of 'guests' instead of 'customers'.
Conclusion
To conclude. I argue that advertisements are a positive development because it can help customers have long-term benefits. Moreover, commercials help guests have the best deal when they are shopping. Therefore, I am convinced that this phenomenon has the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
The conclusion summarizes the main points, but it is somewhat repetitive and lacks a strong final statement. The language could be more precise, and the conclusion should emphasize the overall implications of the arguments presented.
Sign In
[nextend_social_login]
or sign in with email
The password must have a minimum of 8 characters of numbers and letters, contain at least 1 capital letter
Cô Huyền sẽ liên hệ trực tiếp với bạn qua email hoặc điện thoại trong 1-2 ngày tới để trao đổi cụ thể hơn về việc học.
Hoặc bạn cũng có thể chủ động liên hệ với cô giáo theo thông tin dưới đây để được xếp lớp sớm nhất.
(+84) 0383-096-717
Email: huyenbui@cohuyenielts.com
Xin cám ơn.
ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN
Để đăng ký học IELTS lớp cô Huyền, vui lòng điền form dưới đây để được tư vấn. Hoặc gọi điện trực tiếp cho cô giáo theo số +84.0383.096.717 để giữ chỗ.
Để đăng ký nhanh nhất, vui lòng liên hệ trực tiếp cho cô Huyền theo số:
(+84) 0383-096-717
Email: huyenbui@cohuyenielts.com
Địa chỉ: 63 Vũ Ngọc Phan, Láng Hạ, Đống Đa, Hà Nội
