Advertising is becoming more common in everyday life. Is this a positive or negative development?
Question
Advertising is becoming more common in everyday life. Is this a positive or negative development?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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6.5
Overall Band
7
Task Response
6
Coherence
6.5
Lexical
6
Grammar
The essay presents a balanced view on the topic of advertising, discussing both positive and negative aspects. It effectively uses examples to support its points, but there are areas where clarity and coherence could be improved. The language variety and grammatical structures are generally good, but there are some inaccuracies and confusion in expression.
The essay addresses the task effectively by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of advertising. It provides relevant examples and a clear standpoint. However, the conclusion could be more decisive and aligned with the arguments presented in the body paragraphs.
The essay is generally well-organized, with clear paragraphs and logical progression of ideas. However, some sentences lack clarity, and transitions between ideas could be smoother. The introduction and conclusion could be better aligned with the arguments made.
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some sophisticated word choices. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and imprecise language use that detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the essay.
The essay shows a variety of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors and awkward constructions. These errors sometimes obscure meaning and disrupt the flow of the essay.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Advertising is becoming more common in everyday life. Is this a positive or negative development?
Introduction
As the world is developing at a rapid pace, people tend to be bombarded with the omnipresence of advertising campaigns. As a result, there is a controversial phenomenon that has sparked heated debates about whether these types of advertisements are generally perceived as positive or negative. In my opinion, this is a matter that needs to be debated from various perspectives before any conclusion can be drawn.
The introduction sets up the topic and presents the issue, but it lacks a clear thesis statement. It suggests that multiple perspectives will be considered, which the essay does, but a more definitive stance would strengthen the introduction.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, people today certainly benefit from advertising. First of all, a large number of new product launches are announced to customers through advertising, which not only helps them know the many options available for their needs, but also provides businesses with the opportunity to reach potential customers. As a result, consumers will have more information and compare different items on the market to make the best purchase choice. The next convincing factor is the significant revenue of corporations that is attributed to the revival of the national economy.To clarify, advertising drives consumer demand and reaches potential customers, thereby creating jobs, increasing sales, and boosting economic activity. It is worth noting that although many tech entrepreneurs, namely Apple, Samsung, and Oppo, hold prominent positions in the market, they still spend excessive amounts of money on advertising materials because they tend to ignore their consumers.
This paragraph effectively discusses the positive aspects of advertising with relevant examples. However, the sentence about tech entrepreneurs 'ignoring their consumers' is confusing and seems contradictory to the point being made.
Body paragraph 2
Although the advent of marketing has brought countless benefits to the people, its downside has received support from the masses. The most obvious situation is that advertisements often exaggerate the quality of their products, leading to dissatisfaction among customers who have high expectations for those items. Moreover, advertisements have the ability to manipulate consumers' shopping habits. For example, Shopee, Lazada or Tiki offer residents many promotions that make them unable to resist the temptation to buy more to satisfy their desires even though those items are surplus. Therefore, spending habits can contribute to creating a "throwaway" society - a burning issue in this digital age.
This paragraph presents the negative aspects of advertising well, with specific examples and logical reasoning. The idea of a 'throwaway society' is a strong point, but the term 'received support from the masses' is awkward and misleading.
Conclusion
In conclusion, although advertising has some demerits, they are proven to be beneficial and supportive to both human beings and society from top to bottom. Hence, residents should consider how to use their money wisely and practically to avoid being tempted by those kinds of advertisements.
The conclusion summarizes the main points but lacks a clear final position on whether the development is overall positive or negative. It introduces a new idea about wise spending which is not fully discussed in the essay.
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