Advertising is becoming more common in everyday life. Is this a positive or negative development?
Question
Advertising is becoming more common in everyday life. Is this a positive or negative development?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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6
Overall Band
6
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay presents a balanced view of the topic, discussing both the positive and negative aspects of advertising. However, there are several areas for improvement, particularly in coherence, cohesion, and grammatical accuracy. The arguments are sometimes not fully developed, and the essay could benefit from more clear and logical organization.
The essay addresses the task by discussing both positive and negative aspects of advertising. However, the arguments are not fully developed, and some points lack supporting details. The conclusion summarizes the main points but does not provide a clear stance on whether advertising is more positive or negative overall.
The essay is organized into paragraphs, each discussing a separate aspect of advertising. However, the transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be improved for better flow. Some ideas are not clearly connected, and the essay lacks a clear progression of ideas.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to advertising, but there are some inaccuracies and awkward expressions. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items, but precision and appropriateness of vocabulary could be improved.
There are frequent grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms, subject-verb agreement issues, and awkward sentence structures. These errors sometimes obscure meaning and affect the clarity of the essay.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Advertising is becoming more common in everyday life. Is this a positive or negative development?
Introduction
Nowadays, advertising is becoming more and more prevalent in daily life. While some people believe it is helpful for people who are seeking for high quality products, others argue that it has detrimental effects on people's concentration.
The introduction presents the topic and outlines opposing viewpoints. However, it could be more engaging and clearly state the writer's position on the topic.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly, advertising helps businesses growing by promoting their products and brands' image through TV commercials and banner ads. It helps companies reach wider audience, so that can boost revenue, profit and grow their business. By promoting products and service, ads help businesses attract more customers, which helps create employment and opportunities such as graphic designers, content creators and marketers. It also announce consumers through their technology advices about new items and discounts, making shopping become easier and more convenient. Besides, advertising provide free content, such as TV commercials and celebrity endorsement, this can expose to wider audience and help enhance the revenue for businesses.
This paragraph presents several benefits of advertising. However, it lacks coherence and contains grammatical errors that affect clarity. The points could be more clearly linked and supported with examples.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, advertising can also have harmful effects on human. It pushes people to buy things that isn't neccessary, promoting materialism and leading to overconsumption. Besides, some commercials promote consumers about unhealthy products through impersonation of doctor or somebody who are legit and manipulate that they have one-size-fit-all products, such as fake medicine or fake products, which is detrimental for people's health and their money. Additionally, advertisements often bombarded people with popup ads while they're surfing the internet, which is annoying and often interrupting their activities while doing their jobs.
This paragraph discusses the negative aspects of advertising. It presents relevant points but lacks coherence and cohesion. Grammatical errors detract from the clarity of the arguments. More detailed examples could strengthen the points made.
Conclusion
In conclusion, advertising has both benefits and drawbacks. While it boosts revenue for businesses, it also contributes to overconsumption, health risks and annoying for audience.
The conclusion summarizes the main points but does not clearly state the writer's overall opinion on whether advertising is more positive or negative. It could be more conclusive and decisive.
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