Advertising is becoming more common in everyday life. Is this a positive or negative development?
Question
Advertising is becoming more common in everyday life. Is this a positive or negative development?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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6
Overall Band
6
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay presents a balanced discussion on the positive and negative aspects of advertising. However, it lacks depth in analysis and contains several language errors that detract from clarity. The essay could benefit from clearer topic sentences and more cohesive development of ideas.
The essay addresses the task by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of advertising. However, the analysis is somewhat superficial and lacks depth. The examples provided are relevant but could be more detailed to enhance the argument.
The essay is generally coherent, but the cohesion between sentences and paragraphs could be improved. The transition between ideas is not always smooth, and some points are not fully developed. Clearer topic sentences and logical sequence of ideas would improve the overall flow.
The essay demonstrates sufficient range of vocabulary to discuss the topic. However, there are several instances of incorrect or awkward word choice. Some phrases are repeated, and synonyms could be used to provide variety and avoid repetition.
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms, punctuation mistakes, and sentence fragments. These errors affect the clarity and readability of the essay. Greater grammatical accuracy is needed for a higher score.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Advertising is becoming more common in everyday life. Is this a positive or negative development?
Introduction
Nowadays, the popularity of advertising is undeniable. In this essay i will analyse both the advantages and disadvantages of the development.
The introduction presents the topic but lacks a clear thesis statement. The use of 'i' should be capitalized, and the introduction could be more engaging by clearly outlining the main points to be discussed.
Body paragraph 1
Regarding the benefits, advertisements provide useful information to consumers. To be more specific, ads help people learn about new products,services and promotions which help save time choosing products and making it easier to find good deals.Besides, advertisements support economic growth.Advertising help increase consumption which lead to create more employments and boost economy.
This paragraph discusses the benefits of advertising but lacks clear topic sentences. The ideas are relevant but need more detailed examples. Additionally, there are grammatical errors, such as missing spaces after commas and incorrect verb forms.
Body paragraph 2
However, there are some drawbacks that you should pay attention to. Firstly, advertising can be annoying. For example, while an individual is watching a video on youtube or listening to music and suddenly be bombarded by ads which disturb them from their flow so that it will make victims frustrated .Moreover, advertising can be misleading or manipulative.In explanation. Some ads are exaggerated to influence more people, many people have used apps to make their products look better than they really are and more attractive without improving the actual quality to attract more consumers. For instance, a few years ago, the advertisements about panacea were very popular because they include a doctor(real or fake) and prey on the fear of victims.
The paragraph covers drawbacks effectively but could be more coherent. There is a lack of smooth transitions between sentences and points. Additionally, some sentences are fragmented or awkwardly constructed, affecting clarity.
Conclusion
In conclusion, although advertisements can give information and help increase economy, they sometimes really annoying and misleading.
The conclusion summarizes the main points but is too brief. It could offer a more reflective or evaluative stance on the issue. Additionally, there is a grammatical error in 'they sometimes really annoying,' which should be corrected.
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