Advertising is becoming more common in everyday life. Is this a positive or negative development?
Question
Advertising is becoming more common in everyday life. Is this a positive or negative development?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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5.5
Overall Band
5
Task Response
5
Coherence
6
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay presents a general discussion on the topic of advertising with both positive and negative aspects. However, the argument lacks depth and clarity, and there are significant issues with grammar, coherence, and vocabulary. The writer needs to work on structuring ideas more clearly and improving language accuracy.
The essay addresses the task by discussing both positive and negative aspects of advertising. However, the argument is not fully developed, with some points remaining superficial. The essay lacks a clear stance, as it suggests a preference for the negatives but does not convincingly support this view. More concrete examples and detailed explanations would strengthen the task response.
The essay attempts to organize ideas logically, but transitions between points are sometimes unclear or missing. The introduction and conclusion are present but not effectively linked to the main body. Paragraphing could be improved to enhance coherence, and there are occasional abrupt shifts in ideas.
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but there are several instances of inappropriate word choices and incorrect usage (e.g., 'eclipsed by' used incorrectly). Some repetition is evident, and more precise vocabulary could be used to convey ideas more effectively.
There are frequent grammatical errors throughout the essay, including subject-verb agreement, verb forms, and sentence structure issues. These errors impact the readability and clarity of the essay. The candidate should focus on improving basic grammar and sentence construction.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Advertising is becoming more common in everyday life. Is this a positive or negative development?
Introduction
In nowadays, advertisements are becoming more popular, some discussions on whether this development is positive and negative, I and many people believe that the positive are eclipsed by the negative ones.
The introduction attempts to introduce the topic but is unclear and grammatically incorrect. The sentence structure is confusing, and the stance is not clearly articulated. A more straightforward and grammatically correct introduction is needed.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, advertisements provide useful information to consumers.Ads help people learn about new products, services, or promotions. And sometimes, keeping consumers informed about the latest trends, technologies, and offers, making it easier for them to find good deals. Furthermore, ads can supports economic growth by reaching customers, and this can helps businesses boost their economy. In addition, sales also leading to higher demand for goods and services, and potentially more job opportunities, which in turn grow financial. For example, Many websites and apps are free to use because they are supported by advertising. Without ads, users might have to pay for access to many of their favorite platforms, such as YouTube, news websites, or social media…
This paragraph presents some positive aspects of advertising, but the ideas are not well-developed or clearly linked. There are grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that hinder clarity. The example given is relevant but could be elaborated further.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hands, advertising encourages unnecessary consumerism like pushing people to buy things they don’t really need, promoting materialism, this problems also lead to impulsive purchases, especially when people are influenced by emotional or persuasive tactics. In additions, advertising can be annoying and overwhelming. With the rise of digital advertising, people are bombarded with ads on every platform, often interrupting their activities. This constant exposure can become frustrating and annoying, reducing the quality of the online experience and even invading privacy through targeted ads. People also can be misleading or manupulative. For example, some advertisements use exaggerated claims or manipulative tactics to influence consumers. These ads often present products in a way that makes them seem better than they really are, or they appeal to emotions rather than providing factual information.
This paragraph outlines several negative aspects of advertising. While it contains relevant points, the paragraph suffers from grammatical errors and unclear sentence structures. The points about consumerism and privacy could be more thoroughly explored with specific examples and logical connections.
Conclusion
To conclude, the increasing of advertising can get more economic and information purposes, but it is invading the privacy of people. Therefore i’m convinced this phenomenon is more detrimental.
The conclusion attempts to summarize the essay but is not clearly expressed. The language is awkward, and the conclusion lacks a strong, definitive statement. The phrase 'the increasing of advertising can get more economic and information purposes' is confusing and needs rephrasing.
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