Evaluation for Question #8870

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Question

Your Essay

while some high education students want to learn more subjects instead of attention to their main subjects, some people believe that it is more important to spend on all their time and focusing on studying of a qualification. in this essay, i will disscuss both view that student should learn about other subjects is more beneficials.
on the one hand, the people who arguue that it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying is a good ideals. the main reason for this is the students have more time to practice and training. this is because, they have not to spend time on others fields so that they alaways have more experiment and susatianable background than the people who learn about other subject. as a results, they have a good chance in their fields. if the student choose some specials career like doctor they will focus on these occuption. this may happens because if they is a doctor, they should learn more about these skills in order to treat better on them patient in stead of learning about selling or something not relevant to these career it not help to improve their skills and work.
on these other hand, the society changing faster sothat learning about other subject is necessary. firstly, the students have more creative. this may happens the students who learn about other subject will have experiment in a range of fields sothat they can solve the problem faster and have more new method than the people who learn main subjects. as a results, they have more chance in occuption. secondly, flexible and have a range of choosing the work suit for themselfves. this is because, students must undergo a varity of fields sothat they can decide to learn the work suit them and avoid the risk of unemployment. for example, if the main subject was closed, they can change other subject which can help for this work.
in conclusion, while learn main subject that that it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying was believed by some people like have more experiment and susatianable background, i will agree that learning about other subject is necessary is more benefit such as the students have more creative and flexible and have a range of choosing.

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Overall Band

Task Response

Coherence

Lexical

Grammar

The essay addresses the task by discussing both views, but it lacks clarity and precision. There are numerous grammatical errors, and the vocabulary used is often inappropriate or incorrect. The organization of ideas is weak, affecting coherence and cohesion.

The essay addresses both sides of the argument as required by the task. However, the arguments are not developed with sufficient clarity or depth. The writer's opinion is stated but not effectively justified. There is a need for more specific examples and a clearer exposition of ideas.

The essay lacks a clear structure, with weak paragraphing and linking between ideas. The introduction and conclusion are present but not effectively connected to the main arguments. Transitions between sentences and ideas are often abrupt or missing, affecting the flow of the essay.

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, with frequent errors in word choice and form. Some attempts are made to use more advanced vocabulary, but these are often incorrect or inappropriate, which detracts from the overall clarity of the essay.

There are numerous grammatical errors throughout the essay, including incorrect verb forms, subject-verb agreement issues, and sentence fragments. These errors significantly impede comprehension and demonstrate a limited range of grammatical structures.

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Question:
Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Introduction

The introduction attempts to present both views but is unclear and contains grammatical errors. The thesis statement is vague and does not clearly convey the writer's stance.

Body paragraph 1

on the one hand, the people who arguue that it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying is a good ideals. the main reason for this is the students have more time to practice and training. this is because, they have not to spend time on others fields so that they alaways have more experiment and susatianable background than the people who learn about other subject. as a results, they have a good chance in their fields. if the student choose some specials career like doctor they will focus on these occuption. this may happens because if they is a doctor, they should learn more about these skills in order to treat better on them patient in stead of learning about selling or something not relevant to these career it not help to improve their skills and work.

The paragraph attempts to argue for focusing solely on the main subject, but it lacks clarity and coherence. The arguments are not well-developed, and there are numerous grammatical errors. The examples provided are not clearly linked to the argument.

Body paragraph 2

on these other hand, the society changing faster sothat learning about other subject is necessary. firstly, the students have more creative. this may happens the students who learn about other subject will have experiment in a range of fields sothat they can solve the problem faster and have more new method than the people who learn main subjects. as a results, they have more chance in occuption. secondly, flexible and have a range of choosing the work suit for themselfves. this is because, students must undergo a varity of fields sothat they can decide to learn the work suit them and avoid the risk of unemployment. for example, if the main subject was closed, they can change other subject which can help for this work.

The paragraph attempts to argue for the benefits of learning additional subjects, but it is poorly structured and lacks coherence. The arguments are not clearly explained, and the paragraph is marred by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing.

Conclusion

in conclusion, while learn main subject that that it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying was believed by some people like have more experiment and susatianable background, i will agree that learning about other subject is necessary is more benefit such as the students have more creative and flexible and have a range of choosing.

The conclusion attempts to summarize the essay but is unclear and contains numerous grammatical errors. The writer's opinion is restated but not effectively supported by the preceding arguments.

Evaluation for Question #8870

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

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Evaluation for Question #8870

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

Đăng ký học với AIM8IELTS.com

Links

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công​

(+84) 0383-096-717

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN​

(+84) 0383-096-717

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN