Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Question
Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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6
Overall Band
6
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay addresses both views of the topic and provides an opinion. However, there are several grammatical errors and awkward expressions that affect clarity. The structure is generally logical, but there are issues with coherence and cohesion. The lexical resource is adequate, but there are some inaccuracies and repetition. Overall, the essay needs more precision in language and clearer organization.
The essay discusses both views and provides a personal opinion. However, the arguments are not fully developed, and some points lack depth and clarity. The conclusion does not clearly restate the main points or the writer's position, making it less effective.
The essay follows a logical structure, but there are issues with paragraphing and transitions. Some ideas are not clearly linked, and the flow of the essay is occasionally disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear connections between sentences.
The vocabulary is appropriate but limited, with some repetition and inaccuracies. There is some attempt to use a range of vocabulary, but errors reduce clarity. Phrasing is sometimes awkward, affecting the overall impact.
There are frequent grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms, article usage, and sentence structures. These errors affect the clarity and readability of the essay. More attention to grammatical accuracy is needed to improve the score.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Introduction
With the increasing demand of our society, there are many employers require their staffs to have a wide range of knowledge in various field. Therefore, there are a number of university students want to acquire for other subjects instead of studying their key subjects. However, the rest say that it is more important to use up all of their time to study for a qualification. In this essay, I will justify both of two views and give my own opinion.
The introduction presents the topic and outlines the two views, but there are grammatical errors and awkward expressions. The thesis statement is present, but it could be clearer in stating the writer's position.
Body paragraph 1
For individuals who learn a variety of subjects, there are numerous advantages. Primarily, studying a wide range of different subjects may help them to have different perspective. Without a doubt, students have knowledges of different fields may come out many solution to solve a problem. Moreover, they may be creative in their study or their works, which is really helpful in their daily lifes. Secondly, students may ensure their job opportunities in case of AI replace that job in the future. Undoubtedly, these students may easily get an other job thanks to their knowledge of different subjects.
This paragraph discusses the advantages of studying a variety of subjects. The points are relevant, but there are grammatical errors and unclear expressions. Ideas could be developed further for better support and clarity.
Body paragraph 2
However, if students are tend to do jobs that require specialize knowledge such as doctor. In this case, surely they will choose to try hard all day long to learn main subjects, which helps them to graduate and acquire for a qualification. Learning only key subjects also has several benefits. Firstly, attention to study this way may help students to improve their specialize knowledge frequently, which may make it easier for them to achieve higher stage and higher qualification. It is undeniable that focusing on main subjects ensures knowledge related to their industries and that gives them opportunities to become professors in their future job. Secondly, learning for these jobs is really important for the country development. Without a doubt, if there are few people in these science or technology field, the country will never be a well-developed one and always needs to rely on other countries.
This paragraph discusses the importance of focusing on main subjects. It presents valid points but contains grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. The ideas could be more clearly linked, and the argument could be strengthened with more detailed examples.
Conclusion
In conclusion, from my perspective, I think choosing which way to depends on many factors such as their hobby and their time and each of the path has its own benefits, but for me I think it is safer to choose to study different kind of subjects in case of AI take over.
The conclusion provides the writer's opinion but lacks a clear summary of the main points. The language is somewhat informal, and the final sentence could be more decisive in expressing the writer's stance.
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