Evaluation for Question #8870

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Question

Your Essay

In fast-paced world, education is a controversial topic. Many students want to study about other subjects in addition to their main subjects but many people argue that it is neccessary to give all their time and concentration to studying for a qualification. I will discuss both views and I will give my own opinion in this passage 
On the one hand, studying about other subjects helps student's problem-solving skills . This is because students study other subjects, they will have many opportunities  to pick up new knowledge. They can broaden their minds and perspectives. As a result they can have a variety of efficentlly ways to solve problems in life.  
Moreover, learning about other subjects helps university individuals avoid risk of unemployed . This is due to the fact that the development of technology devices can do every simple jobs such as taxi, waiter, security, etc. If you don't have another information in another fields you will be unemployed. Therefore, you need to learn another subjects since you can change another job if your future job is replaced by artificial intellegence. 
On the other hand, students give all their time and concentration to studying for a qualification may improve students skills . Many subjects such as doctor or architecture, if learners want to improve their skills they need to spend a lot of time in their field . They can devote their time to learn how to organize a surgery better that helps for their career and the safety of people. Students study in field like doctor or architecture, they can't improve anything when they try to learn about other subjects such as singing or cooking. 
Not only that, university individuals can avoid risk of health problems. Students have one assignment is focusing their main field so they can have another time for personal activities like cooking, gym or meditation. These factors help learners have a balanced life and avoid risk of suffering from mental health or physical health 
In conclusion, studying other subjects has two fundamental factors are avoiding risk of unemployed and broadening their brain. However give all their time and attetion help students improve their skills and avoid risk of health problems. I prefer learning other subjects because I don't want to be unemployed in the future

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Overall Band

Task Response

Coherence

Lexical

Grammar

The essay addresses the task by discussing both views and stating an opinion, but there are several issues that impede its effectiveness. The response lacks clarity and precision in presenting ideas, and there are numerous grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. The essay could benefit from clearer structure and more cohesive argumentation.

The essay covers both views and provides an opinion, but the arguments are not well-developed. The points made are somewhat relevant but lack depth and specificity. The opinion is stated but not convincingly supported.

The essay attempts to present ideas in an organized manner, but the coherence is weak. There is a lack of clear linking words and phrases, and some ideas seem disconnected. Paragraphing is present, but transitions between ideas need improvement.

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary with some repetition and incorrect word forms. There are attempts to use less common vocabulary, but they are often inaccurate. More precise and varied vocabulary is needed.

There are frequent grammatical errors and awkward sentence structures that hinder comprehension. Issues with subject-verb agreement, tense usage, and article use are evident. The essay requires more control over grammatical structures.

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Question:
Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Introduction

The introduction introduces the topic but contains grammatical errors and lacks a clear thesis statement. It sets up the discussion but could be more precise and engaging.

Body paragraph 1

On the one hand, studying about other subjects helps student's problem-solving skills . This is because students study other subjects, they will have many opportunities to pick up new knowledge. They can broaden their minds and perspectives. As a result they can have a variety of efficentlly ways to solve problems in life.

The paragraph presents a reason for studying other subjects but lacks development. The ideas are not clearly linked, and there are grammatical errors. The argument could be expanded with examples or more detailed explanations.

Body paragraph 2

Moreover, learning about other subjects helps university individuals avoid risk of unemployed . This is due to the fact that the development of technology devices can do every simple jobs such as taxi, waiter, security, etc. If you don't have another information in another fields you will be unemployed. Therefore, you need to learn another subjects since you can change another job if your future job is replaced by artificial intellegence.

The paragraph presents another point but is repetitive and lacks clarity. The argument is not well-supported, and there are multiple language errors. The logic could be clearer and better articulated.

Conclusion

In conclusion, studying other subjects has two fundamental factors are avoiding risk of unemployed and broadening their brain. However give all their time and attetion help students improve their skills and avoid risk of health problems. I prefer learning other subjects because I don't want to be unemployed in the future

The conclusion summarizes the main points but is not cohesive. It repeats previous ideas without adding new insights or a strong ending. The opinion is restated but lacks a compelling rationale.

Evaluation for Question #8870

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

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Evaluation for Question #8870

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

Đăng ký học với AIM8IELTS.com

Links

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công​

(+84) 0383-096-717

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN​

(+84) 0383-096-717

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN