Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Question
Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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5.5
Overall Band
6
Task Response
5
Coherence
5
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay attempts to address the task by discussing both views and providing an opinion. However, it lacks clarity, coherence, and sufficient development of ideas. The essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward sentence structures, which impede understanding. Vocabulary usage is somewhat limited and repetitive.
The essay addresses both views and provides a personal opinion. However, the arguments are not well-developed, and some ideas are not clearly linked to the main points. The opinion is stated, but it lacks strong justification.
The essay lacks clear organization. Transitional phrases and linking words are used inconsistently. Some ideas are presented without clear connections, making it difficult to follow the argument. Paragraphing is evident but not always effective.
The essay uses a basic range of vocabulary which is often repetitive. There are attempts to use more advanced vocabulary, but these are not always accurate. Spelling errors are present, affecting understanding.
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms, article usage, and sentence fragments. Sentence structures are often awkward, affecting readability. More complex sentences are attempted but with limited success.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Introduction
In fast-paced world, education is a controversial topic. Many students want to study about other subjects in addition to their main subjects but many people argue that it is neccessary to give all their time and concentration to studying for a qualification. I will discuss both views and I will give my own opinion in this passage
The introduction sets up the discussion but contains grammatical errors and lacks clarity. It should more clearly define the two views and provide a smoother transition to the thesis statement.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, studying about other subjects helps student's problem-solving skills . This is because students study other subjects, they will have many opportunities to pick up new knowledge. They can broaden their minds and perspectives. As a result they can have a variety of efficentlly ways to solve problems in life. Moreover, learning about other subjects helps university individuals avoid risk of unemployed . This is due to the fact that the development of technology devices can do every simple jobs such as taxi, waiter, security, etc. If you don't have another information in another fields you will be unemployed. Therefore, you need to learn another subjects since you can change another job if your future job is replaced by artificial intellegence.
The paragraph presents some valid points, but the ideas are not well-developed. The reasoning is often unclear, and examples are not effectively used. Grammar and vocabulary issues impede clarity.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, students give all their time and concentration to studying for a qualification may improve students skills . Many subjects such as doctor or architecture, if learners want to improve their skills they need to spend a lot of time in their field . They can devote their time to learn how to organize a surgery better that helps for their career and the safety of people. Students study in field like doctor or architecture, they can't improve anything when they try to learn about other subjects such as singing or cooking. Not only that, university individuals can avoid risk of health problems. Students have one assignment is focusing their main field so they can have another time for personal activities like cooking, gym or meditation. These factors help learners have a balanced life and avoid risk of suffering from mental health or physical health
This paragraph tries to argue the importance of focusing on a single field but is weakened by poor grammar and awkward phrasing. The points about health are not well-connected to the main argument. More clarity and coherence are needed.
Conclusion
In conclusion, studying other subjects has two fundamental factors are avoiding risk of unemployed and broadening their brain. However give all their time and attetion help students improve their skills and avoid risk of health problems. I prefer learning other subjects because I don't want to be unemployed in the future
The conclusion summarizes the arguments but is quite brief and lacks depth. The personal opinion is stated but not thoroughly justified. It should restate the main points more effectively and provide a stronger closing.
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