Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Question
Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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4
Overall Band
4
Task Response
4
Coherence
4
Lexical
4
Grammar
The essay presents a discussion on both views regarding learning additional subjects versus focusing solely on a qualification. While the writer attempts to provide their opinion, the essay is hindered by unclear arguments, frequent grammatical errors, and a lack of coherence. Ideas are not adequately developed, and the vocabulary is limited and often incorrectly used.
The essay attempts to address both views but fails to adequately develop arguments for each side. The opinion of the writer is not clearly articulated or supported with convincing evidence. The essay lacks depth in discussing the implications of both approaches to learning.
The essay lacks a clear structure and logical progression of ideas. There is inadequate use of cohesive devices, leading to disjointed arguments. Paragraphs do not effectively build upon one another, and transitions between ideas are abrupt.
The vocabulary is limited and often used incorrectly. There are frequent errors in word choice and collocation, which obscure meaning. The essay lacks a range of vocabulary suitable for discussing the topic in depth.
Frequent grammatical errors, including issues with sentence structure, verb tenses, and article usage, impede readability. There is a lack of complex sentence structures, and the overall grammatical range is limited.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Introduction
Currently, more and more university students applying for different subjects instead spending all their time to learning for a qualification . This essay will present this opinion that become a problem associated with society.
The introduction presents the topic but lacks clarity and contains grammatical errors. The thesis statement is not clear, and the purpose of the essay is not effectively outlined.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, i strongly believe that studying a range of subjects contribute skills for their main one which take more beneficial than learning for a field. Firstly, learning the number of subjects help undergraduates get more knowledge which may be a little bit advantage for their main subject. Example, maths and physics have an association due to both of these come from science subjects. Secondly, there are have more option for their career because it mostly depend on their's flexible abilities. Taking me as an example, I always keep my mindset about theory of studying that study the figure for subjects to get more chances or experiences .Although some fields just have been selected one or two subjects for them, this may be supported each other in their field.
The paragraph attempts to argue for studying a range of subjects but is unclear and contains many grammatical errors. The examples provided are not well-explained, and the argument lacks coherence and depth.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, a part of society give an opinion that it is nessesary to give almost students's time in oder to learn for a subject. This is because several fields take a person who have at least four years in vocational education to graduate . As a doctor , this field required to experts medicine have qualifications or having more six-seven years to begin with this field. Moreover , this way of studying help people who have graduated and get a job may be improved their's stituation in their occupation. This also help they have higher contemsation than they used to. This method may be have more advantages site for society than some people thought
The paragraph presents an argument for focusing on a single qualification but is marred by grammatical errors and unclear phrasing. The points made are not well-supported or convincing, and the paragraph lacks logical cohesion.
Conclusion
In conclusion, both of views have each benefits, but I chose the way to learn more subjects because this absolutely get more chances to find a occupation
The conclusion attempts to summarize the essay but does so inadequately. It lacks a clear restatement of the main points and the final opinion is not justified or explained.
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