Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Question
Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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5
Overall Band
5
Task Response
5
Coherence
5
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay addresses both perspectives on the topic and includes the writer's opinion. However, there are some issues with clarity and coherence, as well as grammatical errors and lexical inaccuracies that affect the overall quality of the essay.
The essay discusses both views and provides the writer's opinion. However, the argument lacks depth and development. The examples provided are not entirely relevant or well-explained. The writer's opinion is stated but not sufficiently supported with strong arguments or evidence.
There is an attempt at structuring the essay with clear paragraphs, but the ideas within them are not always logically developed or connected. Some sentences are disjointed, and the use of linking words is sometimes awkward or incorrect, which disrupts the flow of the essay.
The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary but with frequent errors and inappropriate word choices. Certain terms are inaccurately used, which can confuse the reader. There is a need for more precise and varied vocabulary to convey the arguments effectively.
There are numerous grammatical errors throughout the essay, including issues with subject-verb agreement, sentence structure, and punctuation. These errors often hinder the clarity of the argument and make the text difficult to follow.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Introduction
Some undergradute students desire to acquire more knowledge of other subjects besides their main subjects while others claim that paying all the attention and time for one certificate play a more crucial role. In my opinion, I belive that being provided insights of many other majors is more justable.
The introduction presents the two viewpoints and the writer's opinion. However, there are spelling errors ('undergradute', 'belive', 'justable') and awkward phrasing ('being provided insights'). The thesis statement could be clearer and more directly related to the discussion.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there are some reasons why just effort to handle only one main subject is more essential. First, students can dig deeper into the professional knowledge. Consequently, they can gain suceed and become the expert of their field-which may bring them a rewarding career path with higher salary. For example, if a doctor learns how to sing instead of surgering skill, it will not bring him any benefits and just being remained as a waste-of-time hobby. However, if this doctor can gain mastery of medical insights, it may contribute to treat the patients better and benefical for both his career path and health state of the patients. Secondly, nowadays, university students are being snowed under with work. The currently workload that they need to handle is overwhelming. If they still need to manage more subjects, students may feel under pressure and have burden to finish these, led to the unstable mental state of students, for example being stressed or mental burden. As a result, students may have worse academic performance. That is the reason why concentrating on one subject bring them benefits.
The paragraph attempts to present reasons for focusing on one subject, but there are numerous grammatical errors and awkward phrases, making it difficult to follow. The example given is not particularly relevant or well-developed. The paragraph lacks coherence, with ideas not being sufficiently linked or expanded upon.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, I still claim that the demand of being provided more knowledge related to other fields is essential. Undergraduate students with a variety of insights can become more creative. Thanks to the big and diverse amount of knowledge, students can observe a problem from many different aspects, perspectives and solve it in a more effective way. Moreover, with the development of Al, technology, the work labor may witness many significant changes. Robots now can do many works that require critical thinking, professional skills, that is the reason why spliting time and attention for other subjects, broaden their minds can protect students from being replaced. Students with various type of knowledge from many different fields can easily find another job with the diversity of oppotunity. In constract, others who just maintain their one major may face with unemployment or being forced to do entry-level, low-income job. Thus, acquiring knowledge from other subjects is beneficial for undergraduate students.
This paragraph presents reasons for studying multiple subjects but contains several grammatical and lexical errors. The argument about AI and technology is relevant but not well-integrated into the overall discussion. The paragraph needs more clarity and development in terms of how different knowledge areas contribute to employability.
Conclusion
In conclusion, some students of university level have the need of studying more subjects besides their main one. Other remain that focusing on only one main certificate is more useful, crucial. In my opinion, I agree with the first one.
The conclusion restates the main points but does so in a very simplistic manner. It lacks depth and fails to effectively summarize the arguments. Additionally, there are grammatical errors ('Other remain', 'first one') that affect the clarity of the conclusion.
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