Evaluation for Question #8870

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Question

Your Essay

While several undergraduates want to study about a wide range of subjects, others think that spending all their time and focusing on a qualification is more essential. Although learning various subjects is good for their studies, paying attention to their profession is still a vital factor and in this essay I will give my opinion and analyze it in detail.
On the one hand, it is arguement that third-level students have a demanding of learning other subjects. Initially, this situation helps them to acquire numerous useful skills. If the fields that students are learning is out-dated in this cutting-edge eras, they would be unemployment and not be able to survival in community. Therefore, learner have to study more skills to enhance themselves to adapt quickly. The second reason why university student believe that studying numerous skills out of their master is necessary is that it assists undergraduates become more creative and can solve solutions in numerous methods. This is because sometimes the different problems may need to have a wide range of visions, learning various fields assists college students have more different visions and more creative.
On the other hand, some individuals think that college students ought to pay attention to their professional. First of all, focusing on main subjects helps improve their master, they can get more information and knowledge to boost their fields become better and better. For example, university students who learn the medical field would more carefull to their patient, if they just focus on studying their professional subject, so other skills like singing, dancing or paiting are not useful in this situation. Furthermore, paying attention to learning for a qualification assists undergraduates not be overwhelming by the amount of knowledge. This is because learning various subjects will make students under pressure and they would become stressful, just focusing on one fields help they release stress and tired.
In summarize, whereas acquiring numerous knowledge in a wide range of fields assist undergraduates improve themselves, spending all time to their master is extremely crucial.

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5.5

Overall Band

Task Response

Coherence

Lexical

Grammar

The essay addresses the task and presents both views on the topic. However, it suffers from several language inaccuracies that affect clarity and coherence. The essay can be improved by refining the structure, enhancing vocabulary usage, and correcting grammatical errors.

The essay addresses both views as required by the task and provides an opinion. However, the elaboration on the arguments is somewhat limited and lacks depth. The essay could benefit from more specific examples and detailed analysis to strengthen the arguments.

The essay has a basic logical structure, but there are issues with cohesion. Transitions between ideas and paragraphs are not smooth, and some sentences do not connect logically. Improved use of linking words and clearer topic sentences would enhance the flow of the essay.

The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary with frequent errors in word choice and form, such as 'arguement' instead of 'argument' and 'carefull' instead of 'careful'. Some phrases are awkward or unclear, indicating a lack of lexical precision.

There are numerous grammatical errors throughout the essay, including subject-verb agreement issues, incorrect verb forms, and sentence fragments. These errors impede understanding and reduce the overall quality of the writing.

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Question:
Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Introduction

The introduction presents the topic and outlines the essay's structure. However, the language is awkward, and the thesis statement is not clearly articulated. Simplifying the language and clearly stating the opinion would improve clarity.

Body paragraph 1

On the one hand, it is arguement that third-level students have a demanding of learning other subjects. Initially, this situation helps them to acquire numerous useful skills. If the fields that students are learning is out-dated in this cutting-edge eras, they would be unemployment and not be able to survival in community. Therefore, learner have to study more skills to enhance themselves to adapt quickly. The second reason why university student believe that studying numerous skills out of their master is necessary is that it assists undergraduates become more creative and can solve solutions in numerous methods. This is because sometimes the different problems may need to have a wide range of visions, learning various fields assists college students have more different visions and more creative.

The paragraph attempts to explain the benefits of learning various subjects. However, there are numerous grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasing. The arguments lack depth and specificity. Using more precise language and providing concrete examples would strengthen the argument.

Body paragraph 2

On the other hand, some individuals think that college students ought to pay attention to their professional. First of all, focusing on main subjects helps improve their master, they can get more information and knowledge to boost their fields become better and better. For example, university students who learn the medical field would more carefull to their patient, if they just focus on studying their professional subject, so other skills like singing, dancing or paiting are not useful in this situation. Furthermore, paying attention to learning for a qualification assists undergraduates not be overwhelming by the amount of knowledge. This is because learning various subjects will make students under pressure and they would become stressful, just focusing on one fields help they release stress and tired.

This paragraph discusses the importance of focusing on a main subject. It contains several grammatical errors and unclear sentences. The examples are not well-developed, and the argument could be more persuasive with clearer language and more detailed support.

Conclusion

In summarize, whereas acquiring numerous knowledge in a wide range of fields assist undergraduates improve themselves, spending all time to their master is extremely crucial.

The conclusion summarizes the main points but lacks a clear restatement of the writer's opinion. It also contains grammatical errors. A more concise and accurate conclusion would improve the essay's closure.

Evaluation for Question #8870

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

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Evaluation for Question #8870

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

Đăng ký học với AIM8IELTS.com

Links

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công​

(+84) 0383-096-717

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN​

(+84) 0383-096-717

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN