Scientists tell us some activities are good for health and others are bad. Despite knowing that millions of people continue doing unhealthy activities. What are the causes and what are the solutions?
Question
Scientists tell us some activities are good for health and others are bad. Despite knowing that millions of people continue doing unhealthy activities. What are the causes and what are the solutions?
Your Essay
Câu chứa lỗi
Gợi ý sửa
Giải thích
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6
Overall Band
6
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
6
Grammar
The essay addresses the task, presenting causes and solutions clearly. However, it lacks depth in analysis and examples. Coherence is generally maintained, but some sentences disrupt the flow. Vocabulary is appropriate but not varied. Grammar is mostly accurate, though there are minor errors.
The essay identifies causes and solutions relevant to the topic but lacks detailed analysis and specific examples. The reasons provided are valid but could be expanded with more depth. Solutions are mentioned, but their feasibility and potential impact are not thoroughly discussed.
The essay is organized logically with clear paragraphing. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother, and some sentences disrupt the overall coherence. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
The vocabulary is appropriate for the task but lacks variety. Some phrases are repetitive, and there are minor errors in word choice. More advanced vocabulary could enhance the essay.
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures. There are minor errors in punctuation and sentence structure, which occasionally hinder clarity. Greater grammatical variety and precision would improve the score.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Scientists tell us some activities are good for health and others are bad. Despite knowing that millions of people continue doing unhealthy activities. What are the causes and what are the solutions?
Introduction
In this day and age, experts have warned about unhealthy activities, however , many people still find it difficult to stop doing harmful habits. This essay will look at some primary causes of this and offer some possible solutions to the problem.
The introduction sets the context and outlines the essay structure clearly. However, it could be improved by eliminating minor punctuation errors and using more varied vocabulary.
Body paragraph 1
To start with, there are a number of reasons why many people still engage in risky activities. The first reason is addiction to unhealthy habits. unhealthy activities, such as smoking, drinking, or consuming junk food, are addictive and difficult to quit. Therefore, these habits make it challenging for individuals to stop even if they understand the risk. Another reason is the lack of immediate consequences from bad habits. Contributions in unhealthy habits do not show instantly negative effects, leading to underestimate the long-term impact on their health. Furthermore, people may feel that they can continue their habits without any significant harm, only to suffer later. For example, teenagers may continue consuming junk food due to the fact that it will not make them obese straight away.
This paragraph identifies valid reasons for continued engagement in unhealthy activities. However, it lacks depth in analysis and could benefit from more specific examples. Minor grammatical errors and repetition of phrases should be addressed.
Body paragraph 2
However, there are several actions that could be taken to mitigate the problem mentioned above. Firstly, governments can introduce Taxes and regulations on unhealthy products. Imposing taxes on sugary drinks, tobacco, and alcohol which makes these goods more expensive but may deter consumption and encourage them to select healthier options. For example, Vietnam’s heavy fine and penalties on those caught driving after consuming alcohol which leads to reduced dangerous behavior. Secondly, specific professionals can implement public health campaigns. Governments and health organizations can launch campaigns that raise awareness about the consequences of unhealthy habits and the benefits of healthy alternatives. For instance, anti-smoking campaigns can use graphic images and statistics to show the dangers of smoking and reduce smoking rates.
The paragraph presents potential solutions effectively, but it lacks depth and specificity. The impact of the solutions could be discussed in more detail. Additionally, there are minor grammatical errors and issues with sentence structure.
Conclusion
In conclusion, there are various factors leading to the fact that people often ignore the warnings from scientists and measures can be implemented to tackle this issue.
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay. It could be improved by restating the solutions more explicitly and ensuring grammatical accuracy.
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