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6
Overall Band
6
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay provides a general overview of the data presented in the line chart, with some specific trends highlighted. However, there are issues with clarity and coherence, and the essay could benefit from a more structured approach. The vocabulary use is adequate, although there are some inaccuracies, and grammatical errors are present.
The task response is generally good, with the main trends being identified and described. However, the essay lacks depth in its analysis and could benefit from a more detailed examination of the data. Additionally, the conclusion is missing, which affects the completeness of the response.
The essay demonstrates some coherence and cohesion, with paragraphs generally focusing on specific trends. However, the progression of ideas is not always clear, and linking devices could be used more effectively to improve the flow of the essay. The lack of a clear conclusion also affects coherence.
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the task, with some attempts at more advanced language. However, there are inaccuracies, such as 'students’ number' instead of 'number of students,' which affect the precision of the language.
There are several grammatical errors throughout the essay, including issues with subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. These errors occasionally affect the clarity and meaning of the essay. More complex sentence structures could be attempted to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical skills.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Introduction
The given line chart illustrates the quantity of mixed-gender international students from all subjects in a specific Canadian university from 1995 to 2015. Overall, Asian students had the biggest quantity of students with steady data from both genders over the period. However, African students witnessed the significant growth of students’ number between 1995 and 2015, while the least number of students belonged to Europe.
The introduction provides a general overview of the data and identifies some key trends. However, the phrasing is awkward, and the overall summary could be more precise.
Body paragraph 1
From 1995 to 2010, it witnessed a fluctuation within the quantity of students coming from South America, at approximately 55 students, while the number of students in Asia and Europe remained the same over a 15-year period, at about 60 and 49 students respectively. In contrast, the number of African individuals studying in this university rose twice from below 50 students in 1995 to over 100 students in 2010.
This paragraph attempts to describe trends over a specific period. There are some inaccuracies in language use, such as 'it witnessed' and 'rose twice.' The description of trends could be clearer and more precise.
Body paragraph 2
Between 2010 and 2015, the quantity of students coming from Africa still increased dramatically to almost 140 students in 2015. In comparison with that of South America, students’ number reduced significantly from about 70 students to 50 students over 5 years, which creates a huge gap between these groups of students. On the other hand, after the remaining numbers before 2010, students coming from Europe grew surprisingly from 50 to over 100 students in 2015, while the number of Asian students still stayed the same.
This paragraph continues to describe trends and comparisons. While it includes relevant information, the language is occasionally unclear, and there are grammatical errors. The comparison between groups could be more clearly articulated.
Conclusion
The essay lacks a conclusion, which affects its overall coherence and completeness. A conclusion should summarize the main points and provide a final insight or evaluation of the trends described.
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