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5.5
Overall Band
5
Task Response
5
Coherence
6
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay provides a basic description of the data presented in the line chart but lacks depth in analysis and clarity in some areas. There are issues with coherence and cohesion, and grammatical inaccuracies are present. Vocabulary is adequate but lacks precision in some instances.
The essay attempts to cover the key features of the line chart but does not fully explore or explain the trends. The descriptions of changes in student numbers are not consistently accurate, and there is some confusion in the explanation of the data. The task is only partially addressed.
The essay is organized into paragraphs, but the logical progression of ideas is not always clear. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs are sometimes weak, and this affects the overall coherence. The introduction and conclusion are present but not well-developed.
The vocabulary used is generally adequate for the task, with some attempt to use a range of words. However, there are inaccuracies, such as 'a slightly ascent' and 'the quantity of it just aimed around 60', which affect clarity. Further precision and variety in vocabulary would improve the score.
There are several grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tense usage and awkward phrasing, such as 'it had a slightly ascent' and 'the quantity of this type of student did not have a grave change'. These errors impact the readability and accuracy of the essay.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Introduction
The line chart gives data about the number of different international students at a Canada University from 1995 to 2015. In general, it is clear from the chart that while the number of African and European students had a significant increase over the time, the quantity of Asian and South American students decreased.
The introduction identifies the data source and provides a general statement of trends. However, the statement that the quantity of Asian and South American students decreased is misleading, as not both trends are consistently downward.
Body paragraph 1
In the chart, it is said that the number of African students was the lowest in 1995 with just under 50. However, it had a slightly ascent throughout the time, from under 50 to around 125 in 2015. The second decrease was from European students. Although from 1995 to 2010 the quantity of this type of student did not have a grave change, it grew rapidly between 2010 to 2015, from around 50 to higher than 100.
The paragraph attempts to describe changes in African and European student numbers but contains factual inaccuracies and unclear phrasing, particularly in describing European students as having a 'decrease'.
Body paragraph 2
On the contrary, the number of Asian students saw a slight decline although it was the highest in 1995. It had a trivial increase in 2000 and 2010, however, the quantity of it just aimed around 60. The number of South American students has also been recorded as the second highest in 1995. Although it had a significant growth in 2010 from around 60 to 70, then the quantity of it declined rapidly to 50 in 2015.
This paragraph addresses Asian and South American student numbers but also contains inaccuracies and lacks clarity. The sentence structure is awkward, and the descriptions of trends are not fully accurate.
Conclusion
There is no clear conclusion provided in the essay. A conclusion should summarize the main points and restate any overall trends or findings.
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Địa chỉ: 63 Vũ Ngọc Phan, Láng Hạ, Đống Đa, Hà Nội
