Evaluation for Question #8929

Question

Your Essay

The given line graph demonstrates the number of learners studying abroad from four different areas at a Canadian University from 1995 to 2015.
Overall, during the period, Europe and Africa were the two having an upward trend and went to their highest point in the number of students going to Canadian University, while that of learners coming from South America reduced in number and from Asia went back to the same figure as at the start. 
In 1995, the rate of European and African pupils started at a similar point (under 50 students). After that, European students had a slow rise until 2010 and reached 50 learners, before significantly growing to its highest figure at about 120 students. Meanwhile, the number of African students who come to Canada to study at university had a quick growth from the first to the last year and reached a peak of around 130. 
In contrast, the figure of Asian students just had slight changes and stopped at the same number at about 60 students, which was also its starting number. Moreover, South America was the only nation having the decreased number of pupils studying in Canada, which started from above 50, substantially rose to 75 in 2010 and saw a sharp decrease to 50 in the last year.

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Overall Band

Task Response

Coherence

Lexical

Grammar

The essay provides a basic overview of the data presented in the line graph, describing trends for students from different regions studying at a Canadian university. However, the response lacks depth in analysis and contains language errors that affect clarity.

The essay attempts to summarize the main trends in the graph but lacks detailed analysis and explanation of the data. It identifies some trends but does not fully develop these with supporting data or provide sufficient insights into the significance or causes of the trends. Additionally, the essay misinterprets some data, such as suggesting that South America is a nation.

The essay is organized into paragraphs with a logical progression of ideas. However, the connections between sentences and ideas could be clearer. The use of linking words is inconsistent, and there is a lack of cohesive devices to guide the reader through the argument effectively.

The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary. Some words and phrases are repeated, and there are inaccuracies in the use of certain terms, such as 'nation' instead of 'region' or 'continent'. There is an attempt to use some complex vocabulary, but it is not always used accurately.

There are frequent grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms, subject-verb agreement issues, and awkward sentence structures. These errors sometimes make it difficult to understand the intended meaning and detract from the overall clarity of the essay.

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Question:

Introduction

The given line graph demonstrates the number of learners studying abroad from four different areas at a Canadian University from 1995 to 2015.

The introduction is clear and concise, providing a basic overview of the graph. However, it could be improved by specifying the four areas mentioned.

Body paragraph 1

Overall, during the period, Europe and Africa were the two having an upward trend and went to their highest point in the number of students going to Canadian University, while that of learners coming from South America reduced in number and from Asia went back to the same figure as at the start.

This paragraph attempts to summarize the overall trends but lacks clarity and depth. It also includes inaccuracies, such as referring to South America as a single entity ('nation').

Body paragraph 2

In 1995, the rate of European and African pupils started at a similar point (under 50 students). After that, European students had a slow rise until 2010 and reached 50 learners, before significantly growing to its highest figure at about 120 students. Meanwhile, the number of African students who come to Canada to study at university had a quick growth from the first to the last year and reached a peak of around 130.

This paragraph provides some specific data points and describes trends for Europe and Africa. However, the language used is sometimes awkward, and the analysis could be more detailed.

Conclusion

In contrast, the figure of Asian students just had slight changes and stopped at the same number at about 60 students, which was also its starting number. Moreover, South America was the only nation having the decreased number of pupils studying in Canada, which started from above 50, substantially rose to 75 in 2010 and saw a sharp decrease to 50 in the last year.

The conclusion attempts to contrast the trends for Asia and South America. However, it contains inaccuracies and lacks a clear summary of the main points discussed in the essay.

Evaluation for Question #8929

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

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Links

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Evaluation for Question #8929

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

Đăng ký học với AIM8IELTS.com

Links

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công​

(+84) 0383-096-717

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN​

(+84) 0383-096-717

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN