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5.5
Overall Band
5
Task Response
5
Coherence
6
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay provides a general overview of the data presented in the line chart. However, there are inaccuracies in the description of data trends and some inconsistency in the interpretation of the chart. The response lacks clear and detailed analysis, and there are issues with coherence and cohesion. Lexical resources are limited, and there are several grammatical errors.
The essay attempts to address the task by describing trends in the data. However, there are inaccuracies in the interpretation, such as referring to the European students' trend as a 'decrease' instead of an increase. The analysis is not sufficiently developed, and more specific data points could have been used to support the descriptions.
The essay lacks a clear structure and logical progression of ideas. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs are weak, leading to a lack of coherence. There are repetitive structures, and the essay would benefit from clearer topic sentences and more explicit linking of ideas.
The vocabulary range is adequate but limited. Some phrases are incorrectly used, such as 'slightly ascent' and 'grave change'. There is repetition of basic vocabulary, and the essay would benefit from a wider range of lexical resources to accurately describe the trends.
There are several grammatical inaccuracies throughout the essay, including incorrect verb forms and articles. Sentence structures are often simple, and complex sentences are attempted but not always successfully executed. The essay would benefit from greater grammatical range and accuracy.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Introduction
The line chart gives data about the number of different international students at a Canada University from 1995 to 2015.
The introduction is clear and concise but could be improved by specifying that the data is about trends over time. It sets up the topic but could provide a clearer overview of the main trends to be discussed.
Body paragraph 1
In general, it is clear from the chart that while the number of African and European students had a significant increase over the time, the quantity of Asian and South American students decreased.
This paragraph attempts to summarize the main trends but includes inaccuracies. For example, the description of South American students' trends as a decrease is incorrect according to the data provided. More precise language and data points are needed.
Body paragraph 2
In the chart, it is said that the number of African students was the lowest in 1995 with just under 50. However, it had a slightly ascent throughout the time, from under 50 to around 125 in 2015. The second decrease was from European students. Although from 1995 to 2010 the quantity of this type of student did not have a grave change, it grew rapidly between 2010 and 2015, from around 50 to higher than 100.
This paragraph contains an incorrect description of European students' trends as a 'decrease'. The term 'slightly ascent' is grammatically incorrect. The analysis lacks depth and specificity. More accurate vocabulary and clearer data support are needed.
Conclusion
On the contrary, the number of Asian students saw a slight decline although it was the highest in 1995. It had a trivial increase in 2000 and 2010, however, the quantity of it just aimed at around 60. The number of South American students has also been recorded as the second highest in 1995. Although it had a significant growth in 2010 from around 60 to 70, then declined rapidly to 50 in 2015.
The conclusion attempts to summarize specific trends but includes inaccuracies. The description of South American students' trends is inconsistent with earlier statements. The paragraph could benefit from a clearer summary of the overall trends and more accurate use of vocabulary.
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