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5.5
Overall Band
5
Task Response
5
Coherence
6
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay provides a general overview of the changes in student enrollment from different regions over the given period. However, it lacks detailed analysis and clarity in certain areas. The organization of information is not optimal, and there are grammatical errors that affect the readability of the essay.
The essay attempts to address the task by summarizing the trends in student enrollment from different regions. However, it lacks depth and some key details are missing. There is a need for more precise data interpretation and elaboration on the trends observed. The conclusion could be strengthened to summarize the main points more effectively.
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the coherence is somewhat disrupted by awkward transitions and a lack of clear progression of ideas. The use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes incorrect, which affects the logical flow of the essay.
The vocabulary used is adequate but lacks sophistication. There are some attempts at using varied lexical resources, but they are not always used accurately. There is repetition of certain words and phrases, and some word choices could be improved for greater precision.
There are several grammatical errors throughout the essay, including incorrect verb forms, subject-verb agreement issues, and punctuation errors. These mistakes detract from the overall clarity and accuracy of the writing. The sentence structures are mostly simple and lack complexity.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Introduction
The table provides information about students around the world enrolled in a Canadian university from 1995 to 2015. Overall, it is clear that this university witnessed an increase from both European and African students, while the opposite trend was seen in the number of South American students. Another noticeable feature was that at the start of the period, African students were the lowest among all four types of students, but by the end of the period, Africa had the highest number of students compared to others in the university.
The introduction provides a general overview of the trends but lacks specificity. It incorrectly mentions South American students, which are not discussed in the body paragraphs. It could be improved by clearly stating the main findings and setting up the structure for the rest of the essay.
Body paragraph 1
African learners saw the biggest change in the number of students during the span 20 years. In 1995, the school only had less than 50 students that are part of africans, but since then, the numbers skyrocketed, and by 2015, it has risen to roughly more than 125 students. The figure for European students also witnessed the same trend, starting at less than 50 students and rise gradually until 2010, when it had a sharp rise to more than 100 students by the end of the period.
This paragraph attempts to describe the trends for African and European students but contains vague expressions and grammatical errors. More specific data from the table could be included to support the points made. The description of changes is somewhat repetitive and could be more concise.
Body paragraph 2
Conversely, the number of North American students witnessed an inclination, starting at more than 50 students at the start of the period and reaching it’s peak at roughly 75 students in 2010 before dropping substantially down to 50 students by the end of the period. The number of Asian students was the only figure to remain the same throughout the period, with only a slight incline in 2005.
This paragraph describes trends for North American and Asian students but contains errors in vocabulary and grammar. The word 'inclination' is incorrectly used, and there are issues with possessive forms. The analysis of trends could be expanded with more specific data points.
Conclusion
The essay lacks a proper conclusion. A concluding paragraph is necessary to succinctly summarize the main trends and insights discussed in the body paragraphs, reinforcing the overall findings.
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