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5
Overall Band
5
Task Response
5
Coherence
5
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay provides a basic overview of the trends in international student numbers at a Canadian university from four different regions over a 20-year period. However, the response lacks depth in analysis and contains inaccuracies in the description of data. There are issues with coherence and cohesion, as well as grammatical errors that affect clarity.
The essay attempts to address the task by describing trends in international student numbers. However, it fails to accurately summarize the information and make clear comparisons. The analysis is superficial, with limited insights into the data trends. The conclusion does not effectively summarize the key trends or offer any insights.
The essay lacks a clear structure and logical progression of ideas. There are abrupt shifts in focus, and the connections between sentences and paragraphs are weak. Transition signals are underused, which affects the overall flow and coherence of the essay.
The vocabulary used is basic and repetitive. While some attempts are made to use more complex words, they are not always used accurately or effectively. There is a lack of variety in expressions, which limits the richness of the language.
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tense usage, subject-verb agreement issues, and incorrect word forms. These errors detract from the clarity and professionalism of the writing.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Introduction
The line graph illustrates clearly the ratio of international students from Asia, Africa, Europe and South America at a Canadian University from 1995 to 2015. Main changes and comparison will be reported and summarize the information from each country
The introduction lacks a clear thesis statement and does not effectively outline the main trends or comparisons that will be discussed. It is overly general and does not set up the essay well.
Body paragraph 1
In 1995, the number of learners from all four nations was around 50 learners. Asia ranked the highest number of students while Europe marked the lowest compared to the ratio of students from other nations. By 2000, participants from Africa who came to study at the Canadian university had significantly increased, which had the same number as the South American students, while the ratio of learners from Asia and Europe barely shifted. By 2005, Africa once again increased remarkably, ranked the highest with nearly 100 students taking part in the educational program at the Canadian university.
This paragraph attempts to describe changes over time but lacks clarity and accuracy in presenting data. There are inaccuracies in the description of trends, and the use of 'ratio' is incorrect. The information needs to be more precise and better organized.
Body paragraph 2
From 2005 to 2010, both the number of learners from Africa and South America rose remarkably, Europe remained as the highest rank with over 100 participants while South America had surpassed both Europe and Asia in the amount of learners. From 2010 to 2015, the ratio of students from Europe had surprisingly increased from 50 learners to more than 100 learners, far higher than the number of learners from Asia and Africa. The ratio of Africa remained non-stop increasing, reaching nearly 150 students by 2015 and ranked the highest in total.
The paragraph continues to present data inaccurately and fails to clearly compare the trends. The use of 'ratio' is still incorrect, and there are several grammatical errors that hinder comprehension. The paragraph lacks logical progression and cohesion.
Conclusion
Overall, the ratio of Europe had a significant shift in 2015 while the number of students from Africa rose remarkably from 1995 to 2015.
The conclusion is too brief and fails to effectively summarize the key trends discussed in the essay. It does not provide a comprehensive overview or insights into the data presented.
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