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5
Overall Band
5
Task Response
5
Coherence
5
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay attempts to describe the line chart but contains several errors in interpretation and description. The task response is underdeveloped, and there is a lack of clarity in presenting the data. Coherence and cohesion are present but could be improved with better structure and logical progression. Lexical resources and grammatical accuracy are limited, with noticeable errors affecting understanding.
The essay provides an overview of the data but lacks depth and accuracy in describing the trends. There are inconsistencies in the interpretation of percentages and the description of fluctuations. The essay does not fully address the task, as it fails to provide a clear and accurate analysis of all regions over the specified period.
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the logical progression of ideas is weak, and there are some abrupt transitions that hinder the flow of information. More cohesive devices and linking words could improve readability.
The vocabulary is limited and repetitive, with several instances of incorrect word choice (e.g., 'country' instead of 'region'). There is a lack of variety in expressions, and some phrases could be more precise to convey the data accurately.
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including incorrect tense usage and sentence structures that affect clarity. There is a need for more complex sentence forms to enhance the range and accuracy of grammar.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Introduction
The line chart illustrates the proportion of students abroad at a Canada University. Overall, students from Africa account for the most percentage in the university.
The introduction provides a general overview but contains a factual inaccuracy by stating that Africa is a country. It would be helpful to clarify what the line chart represents more accurately.
Body paragraph 1
Europe was the second country that had the highest figure of students studying in a Canadian university. Asia and South America were two countries that had the least number of students studying abroad.
This paragraph incorrectly refers to continents as countries, leading to confusion. The paragraph lacks detailed analysis and does not effectively compare the data between regions.
Body paragraph 2
Between 1995 and 2005, the number of students studying at a Canadian university that came from Africa had risen significantly each year and did not seem to decrease from under 50% in 1995 to over 90% in 2005. And from 2005 to 2015, the percentage had continued to increase dramatically with almost 140% in 2015. But in 2010 and 2015, it seemed to have a small fluctuation from 49% to over 100% respectively.
The paragraph attempts to describe the trend for African students but contains inaccuracies and contradictions, such as the unrealistic percentage of 'almost 140%'. The description of fluctuations is unclear and lacks coherence.
Conclusion
From 1995 to 2010, the proportion of Asian students studying at a Canadian university just fluctuated between 69% and 70%. And the percentage still remained stable through each year. Between 1995 and 2005, South America students that studied at this university changed a little bit at 55% in 2000 and decreased to 50% in 2005. In 2005 and 2010, it had a significant change from 55% to 70% and decreased after 5 years at 50% again.
The conclusion attempts to summarize data for Asia and South America but contains inaccuracies and lacks clarity. The numbers presented do not align with a logical interpretation of the data. A more accurate and concise summary is needed.
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