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5
Overall Band
5
Task Response
5
Coherence
5
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay provides a basic description of the data presented in the line graph, but there are several areas that need improvement. The task response is somewhat clear but lacks depth and precision. Coherence and cohesion are disrupted by awkward sentence structures and unclear connections between ideas. Lexical resource is limited, with several vocabulary inaccuracies, and grammatical errors are common throughout the essay.
The essay attempts to address the task by describing trends from the graph, but it lacks depth and detail. Some data points are mentioned, but there is limited analysis or explanation of trends. The essay occasionally misinterprets or inaccurately presents data, such as the statement on African students peaking at 130 in 2010, which is not clearly explained in the context of the rest of the data.
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the organization of ideas is weak, and transitions between paragraphs and sentences are often unclear or missing. Some sentences are overly complex or awkwardly constructed, making it difficult to follow the writer's train of thought.
The vocabulary used is limited and repetitive. There are several instances of incorrect word choice or usage, such as 'the opposite site was true' and 'focusing other areas.' Additionally, some phrases are awkward or unclear, affecting the overall clarity of the essay.
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including issues with subject-verb agreement, sentence fragments, and punctuation. These errors hinder the readability and coherence of the essay. To improve, the writer should focus on forming complete sentences and ensuring subject-verb agreement.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Introduction
The line graph illustrates the number of international students, coming from 4 different areas including Asia, Europe, Africa and South America at a Canadian University from 1995 to 2015.
The introduction provides a basic overview of the graph's content but could be improved by clearly stating the main trends or patterns that will be discussed in the essay. Additionally, the sentence structure could be simplified for clarity.
Body paragraph 1
Generally, the number of African and European students attending a Canadian University followed an upward trend while the figure for those coming from Asia and South America remained unchanged and experienced a downward trend respectively. Additionally, in 2015, Africa was the country had the most students studying abroad in Canada; however, the opposite site was true for South America
This paragraph attempts to summarize the overall trends but is hindered by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. The contrasts between different regions are not clearly explained, and the phrase 'Africa was the country had the most students' is grammatically incorrect.
Body paragraph 2
Regarding Africa and Europe, in the beginning of the period, Africa ranked second among these areas, having approximately 70 which is followed European which had was nearly 50 individuals studying abroad in Canada From 2000 to 2010, the number of African international students kept increasing significantly and reached about 130 by the end of the period and despite staying unchanged from 1995 to 2010, by 2015 the figure of those coming from Europe rose substantially and ranked second among these areas, having 110 student studying abroad in Canada
This paragraph contains several grammatical errors and sentence fragments, making it difficult to follow. The comparison between Africa and Europe is not clearly articulated, and the lack of punctuation further complicates understanding.
Conclusion
The essay lacks a clear conclusion. A concluding paragraph should summarize the main points discussed and provide a final insight into the data trends.
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