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5
Overall Band
5
Task Response
5
Coherence
5
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay provides a basic description of the trends shown in the table, but it lacks depth and clarity in explaining the data. The analysis is somewhat superficial, and there are inaccuracies and inconsistencies in the interpretation of the figures. The language used is simple and occasionally inaccurate, and there are issues with grammatical range and accuracy.
The essay attempts to address the task by describing trends in the data, but it only provides a basic overview. The analysis is limited and lacks detailed explanations of the trends and comparisons between different groups. Some of the data interpretations are incorrect or unclear, such as the statement about African students having the highest number by the end of the period, which is not clearly explained.
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, but it lacks clear progression and development of ideas. Some points are repeated, and there is a lack of clear linking between the ideas and sentences. The use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes incorrect.
The vocabulary used is fairly basic and lacks range. There are some attempts to use more complex words, but these are not always used accurately. There are also some errors in word choice and form, such as 'inclination' instead of 'decline.'
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and improper use of articles. These errors detract from the clarity and readability of the text. While there are some complex sentences, they are often not well-constructed.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Introduction
The table provides information about students around the world enrolled in a Canadian university from 1995 to 2015. Overall, it is clear that this university witnessed an increase from both European and African students, while the opposite trend was seen in the number of South American students. Another noticeable feature was that at the start of the period, African students were the lowest among all four types of students, but by the end of the period, Africa had the highest number of students compared to others in the university.
The introduction attempts to provide an overview of the data, but it lacks clarity and precision. The statement about African students having the highest number by the end of the period is unclear and needs further explanation.
Body paragraph 1
African learners saw the biggest change in the number of students during the span 20 years. In 1995, the school only had less than 50 students that are part of africans, but since then, the numbers skyrocketed, and by 2015, it has risen to roughly more than 125 students. The figure for European students also witnessed the same trend, starting at less than 50 students and rise gradually until 2010, when it had a sharp rise to more than 100 students by the end of the period.
This paragraph attempts to describe the trends for African and European students, but the explanation lacks clarity and precision. There are grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, which reduce the effectiveness of the analysis.
Body paragraph 2
Conversely, the number of South American students witnessed an inclination, starting at more than 50 students at the start of the period and reaching it’s peak at roughly 75 students in 2010 before dropping substantially down to 50 students by the end of the period. The number of Asian students was the only figure to remain the same throughout the period, with only a slight incline in 2005.
This paragraph contains inaccuracies, such as using 'inclination' to describe a decrease. The analysis of Asian students is vague, and the description of trends lacks depth. There are grammatical errors that affect clarity.
Conclusion
The essay lacks a concluding paragraph, which is necessary to summarize the main points and insights drawn from the data.
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Địa chỉ: 63 Vũ Ngọc Phan, Láng Hạ, Đống Đa, Hà Nội
