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6
Overall Band
6
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay provides a basic summary of the graph but lacks depth and some clarity in its analysis. While it addresses the task by describing trends, there is room for improvement in terms of coherence, cohesion, and grammatical accuracy.
The essay covers the main points of the graph, indicating trends for each region. However, it could benefit from a more detailed analysis or comparison of the data. Some details are unclear, such as the reference to 'the opposite site' and the repetition of Africa and Europe in the first paragraph.
The essay is organized into paragraphs, but there are abrupt transitions and some repetition. The logical flow could be improved by ensuring each paragraph has a clear focus and by using linking words more effectively to connect ideas.
The vocabulary used is adequate but lacks variety. Phrases such as 'remained unchanged' and 'increased significantly' are repeated. There is a need for a wider range of vocabulary to better describe trends and comparisons.
There are several grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms and sentence fragments. Punctuation is also inconsistent, affecting the clarity of the essay. More complex sentence structures could be used to improve the grammatical range.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Introduction
The line graph illustrates the number of international students, coming from 4 different areas including Asia, Europe, Africa and South America at a Canadian University from 1995 to 2015. Generally, the number of African and European students attending a Canadian University followed an upward trend while the figure for those coming from Asia and South America remained unchanged and experienced a downward trend, respectively. Additionally, in 2015, Africa was the continent that had the most students studying abroad in Canada; however, the opposite site was true for South America Regarding Africa and Europe.
The introduction provides a general overview of the graph but is somewhat confusing due to repetition and unclear phrasing. The use of 'the opposite site' is incorrect and needs clarification.
Body paragraph 1
Regarding Africa and Europe, in the beginning of the period, Africa ranked second among these areas, having approximately 70 individuals, followed by Europe which had nearly 50 individuals. From 2000 to 2010, the number of African international students kept increasing significantly and reached about 130 by the end of the period and despite staying unchanged from 1995 to 2010, by 2015 the number of students coming from Europe rose substantially and ranked second among these areas, having 110 students studying abroad in Canada
This paragraph attempts to describe changes in student numbers from Africa and Europe. However, the sentence structure is complex and sometimes confusing. Breaking up long sentences and improving transitions would enhance clarity.
Body paragraph 2
In other areas such as Asia and South America, in 1995, the number of international students coming from Asia and South America was 70 and 60 respectively. In 2010 the figure for African students reached a peak of 130 while that for those coming from Asia still remained unchanged. In addition, by the end of the period, the number of international students from South America decreased dramatically to 50.
The paragraph provides a basic description of trends for Asia and South America. However, it repeats information about Africa unnecessarily and lacks a clear focus. More detailed comparisons would improve the paragraph.
Conclusion
There is no clear conclusion. A brief summary of the main trends and comparisons would provide a stronger ending to the essay.
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