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5.5
Overall Band
5
Task Response
5
Coherence
6
Lexical
6
Grammar
The essay provides a general overview of the trends in transportation usage as depicted in the line graph. However, it lacks depth and clarity in its analysis. The task response could benefit from more detailed explanations and a clearer structure. There are issues with coherence and cohesion, as well as some inaccuracies in grammatical structures.
The essay addresses the task by describing the trends shown in the graph, but it lacks depth in analysis and specific details. The predictions mentioned are not well-supported by the data, and there is limited explanation of the trends and their implications. To improve, the essay should include more detailed analysis and clearer explanations of the data.
The essay attempts to organize information logically, but there are issues with coherence and cohesion. Transitions between ideas and paragraphs are not smooth, leading to a somewhat disjointed flow. The overall structure could be improved with clearer topic sentences and more effective use of linking words to connect ideas.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to the topic, but there are some inaccuracies and awkward expressions. Phrases like 'bike share appeared' and 'the bus followed the subway' could be more clearly expressed. To improve, the essay should incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and ensure accurate word choice.
The essay demonstrates reasonable control over grammar, but there are errors that affect clarity. Issues include awkward phrasing and occasional incorrect verb tenses. Improvements could be made by refining sentence structures and ensuring consistent accuracy in verb usage.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Introduction
The given line graph illustrates the usage per month of four different modes of transportation in European megapolis from 1980 to 2030.
The introduction provides a basic description of the graph, but it could be more engaging. Including a brief overview of the significant trends or changes could enhance the introduction.
Body paragraph 1
Overall, it can be clearly seen that the subway is the most used among the others and the tram also has changed noticeably during this period. Additionally, bike share appeared in 2000 and was foreseen to rise in 2030; while the bus’ usage will decrease.
This paragraph provides a general overview but lacks specific details or analysis. It would benefit from a clearer structure and more precise language to describe the trends.
Body paragraph 2
Looking first at the tram and the subway, there are some similar figures. In 1980, the subway ranked first with 2.5 million, then witnessing a gradual upward trend to 3.5 million after two decades. It is the tram that is predicted to reach a peak in 2030 of about 4.5 million. Additionally, the tram hit a trough in 1980 before increasing nearly 1.5 million in 2010. It will stand in second place by the end of the timeframe.
This paragraph attempts to describe the trends for the tram and subway but could be clearer. The use of data is not entirely accurate, and the paragraph lacks cohesion. The analysis could be more detailed and logically structured.
Conclusion
The essay does not include a conclusion. A conclusion is essential to summarize the key points and provide a final perspective on the trends discussed.
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