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5.5
Overall Band
5
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay provides a general overview of the trends in the line chart, but lacks clarity and precision in describing the data. The response is limited in depth and detail, and there are some inaccuracies in the interpretation of the chart. The structure is present but could be more logically organized, and there are issues with grammatical accuracy and lexical resource.
The essay attempts to address the task by describing trends in the line chart, but the descriptions are not consistently clear or detailed. Some data points are mentioned, but the explanation of trends and comparisons between different regions is limited. The response could be improved by providing a clearer and more comprehensive analysis of the data.
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is somewhat unclear, and there are abrupt transitions between points. The use of linking words is present but could be enhanced to improve the logical flow of the essay.
The vocabulary used is appropriate but limited in range. There are some attempts to use varied language, but some word choices are imprecise. The essay could benefit from a wider range of vocabulary to convey the information more effectively.
There are several grammatical errors throughout the essay, including incorrect verb forms and awkward phrasing. Sentence structures are generally simple, and there is a lack of complex grammatical structures. Improved grammatical accuracy and variety would enhance the overall quality of the essay.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Introduction
Overall, we can see that the number of African and European students increased by the end of the time period. Meanwhile, the amount of international students from Asia and South America stayed roughly the same throughout the same time span.
The introduction provides a basic overview of the trends, but lacks specificity and clarity. It would be helpful to include more precise information about the changes in student numbers from each region.
Body paragraph 1
As can be seen in the chart, the figure of African students rose rapidly with nearly 48 in 1995 and then grew up to 52 in the next five years, the same as the number of South American students in 2000. From 2000 to 2015, there was a sharp increase in the figure of African students from 52 to nearly 147,while there was a slight fluctuation in the number of South American students during the period of time, which surged dramatically to nearly 75 in 2010 then declined rapidly to 50 in the last year.
This paragraph attempts to describe the trends but lacks clarity and precision. The comparison between African and South American students is not clearly articulated. The use of numerical data could be more accurate and consistent.
Body paragraph 2
In addition, the number of European and Asian students fluctuated stably from 1995 to 2010, nearly 48-50 with European and about 58-60 with Asian students. In the last five years, there was a sharp rise in the figure for European students from 50 to over 110, while the number of Asian students still stayed the same as before.
The paragraph provides some information about European and Asian students, but the term 'fluctuated stably' is contradictory and unclear. More precise language and a clearer explanation of the trends would improve this section.
Conclusion
The essay lacks a conclusion. A concluding paragraph summarizing the main trends and providing an overall insight into the data would enhance the completion of the response.
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