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5.5
Overall Band
5
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay provides an overview of the line graph and covers the main trends but lacks clarity and depth in its analysis. Errors in grammar and vocabulary usage impact readability, and the essay could benefit from better organization and more precise language.
The essay attempts to address the task by describing trends in transportation usage but lacks depth in analysis. It mentions figures and trends but fails to provide a clear and detailed comparison or explain the significance of these trends. More elaboration on key points and a stronger conclusion would be beneficial.
The essay is organized with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, but transitions between ideas are not always smooth. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas that could be better separated for clarity. Overall, the cohesion is reasonable but could be improved with clearer linking words and phrases.
The vocabulary range is adequate but not varied, and there are some inaccuracies in word choice, such as 'annual decline' and 'common use of bicycles'. The essay would benefit from a wider range of vocabulary and more precise language.
There are several grammatical errors, including issues with verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. These errors sometimes obscure meaning and reduce overall clarity. More complex sentence structures could also be attempted.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Introduction
The line graph given demonstrates how four types of transportation were used on a monthly basis in a European city during the period 1980 to 2030.
The introduction is brief and provides an overview of the graph. However, it could be improved by specifying the four types of transportation and mentioning the general trend observed.
Body paragraph 1
Overall, it was clear to see that subway, tram and bike share are methods which have higher numbers compared to its start, while bus saw an annual decline from the beginning of 2000 to 2030.The subway stood out as the dominant form of transport, while bike share services attracted the fewest users.
This paragraph provides a general summary of trends but lacks specific details and analysis. The comparison between the subway and bike share is mentioned, but more specific figures and a clearer explanation of trends are needed.
Body paragraph 2
Regarding the most popular transportation, the number of people taking the subway was total of 2.5 million in 1980, increasing to 3.5 million in 2010 before being expected to increase significantly to 4.5 million by 2030.In contrast, the number of buses 50 years ago started with about 1.6 million, has decreased and expected to continue to decrease after 2020 to less than 1 million users by 2030.
This paragraph includes specific data, which is good, but the sentence structure is awkward. It could benefit from clearer sentence construction and better linking of ideas for improved readability.
Conclusion
Turning to other transportations, trams have low use initially, less than 0.5 million users, then it rose significantly each year and is expected to remain the most widely used by 2030. Whereas the common use of bicycles did not become popular until 2000, the annual increase has since been predicted to start equal to the number of bus passengers by 2030
The conclusion attempts to summarize the trends for trams and bicycles but lacks a clear conclusion sentence. The use of 'whereas' is incorrect here, and the paragraph could be more effectively structured to reiterate and summarize the key points of the analysis.
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