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5.5
Overall Band
6
Task Response
5
Coherence
5
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay provides an overview of the transportation trends in a European city, but it lacks clarity and depth in certain areas. The analysis of the data is somewhat superficial and the essay would benefit from a more structured approach to presenting information. There are also several grammatical errors and inconsistencies that affect the clarity of the essay.
The essay addresses the task by providing an overview of the line graph and describing trends. However, it lacks specific data points and detailed analysis that would enhance the depth of the response. The conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the main trends more effectively.
The essay lacks a clear, logical structure. Ideas are presented but not fully developed, leading to a somewhat disjointed response. The use of linking words is limited, and there is room for improvement in the logical flow between paragraphs and ideas.
The vocabulary used is quite basic and repetitive. Some terms are inaccurately used, which affects the precision of the essay. There is a need for a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more clearly and accurately.
There are several grammatical errors and inconsistencies, particularly with verb tenses and subject-verb agreement. These errors detract from the clarity of the essay. Improved grammatical accuracy is needed to enhance overall readability.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Introduction
The line graph illustrates the annual ridership of four different transports in a European city from 1980 to 2030.
The introduction is straightforward but lacks detail. It would benefit from a brief mention of the key trends or patterns observed in the graph to set the stage for the analysis.
Body paragraph 1
Overall, the ridership of green transportation has always been the highest point among all the usage of transportation over a 50-years period. All the usage of green vehicles have tended to grow except for that of buses.
This paragraph provides a general overview but is vague. It introduces the idea of 'green transportation' without clearly defining it. More specific data and analysis are needed to support the claims made.
Body paragraph 2
Regarding the ridership of subway and bus, there was a difference between the usage of those kinds of transports. The utilization of the subway remained stable in the period from 1980 to 1990 and 2010 to 2020 with 2.5 million commutes and 3.5 million commutes respectively. The usage of the subway saw a significant increase over 50 years, peaking at exactly 4.5 million riderships. The riderships of green buses plummeted from 1980 to 2030 people between 1980 and 2030.
This paragraph attempts to compare subway and bus ridership but lacks clarity and contains repetitive phrases. There are inconsistencies in the data presentation and grammatical errors that hinder understanding. Greater clarity and coherence are needed.
Conclusion
Turning to the commutes of tram and bike share, both these categories witnessed the growing number of commuters. Bike share started operating from the year of 2000 and then, there has been a moderate rise with the peak was about 0.25 commuters and the lowest point was over 0.5 commuters. The utilization of trams have rocketed from nearly 0.5 commuters and peaks at 2 riders in 2030.
The conclusion introduces new data rather than summarizing the main points discussed. The information is not clearly presented, and there are several grammatical errors. The paragraph would benefit from a more concise and clear summary of the key trends.
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Địa chỉ: 63 Vũ Ngọc Phan, Láng Hạ, Đống Đa, Hà Nội
