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4
Overall Band
4
Task Response
4
Coherence
4
Lexical
4
Grammar
The essay presents a basic attempt to address the task, but it lacks clarity and depth in both the arguments and examples provided. The structure is inconsistent, and the development of ideas is limited. There are significant issues with grammar and vocabulary that hinder comprehension.
The essay partially addresses the task by acknowledging both perspectives on the issue of women in hazardous jobs. However, the arguments are not well-developed, and the reasons provided are not sufficiently supported with clear examples. The conclusion attempts to summarize the argument but lacks coherence with the rest of the essay.
The essay is structured with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion, but the logical progression of ideas is weak. There is a lack of effective use of cohesive devices to link sentences and paragraphs, which affects the overall coherence. Transitions between ideas are abrupt and unclear.
The range of vocabulary is limited, and there are frequent errors in word choice and word form that affect meaning. Some attempts to use less common vocabulary are noticeable but often incorrect, which undermines the clarity of the argument.
There are frequent grammatical errors, including issues with sentence structure, verb forms, and agreement, which impede understanding. The essay lacks a variety of complex sentence structures, and many sentences are awkwardly phrased.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Introduction
It is often argued that women should not do the type of job like military and police job. Others think they are should be treated as equal to men when applying to hazardous job. I agree that women should be treated as equal
The introduction introduces the topic but is poorly structured. The thesis statement is unclear, and there is a grammatical error in 'they are should be treated.'
Body paragraph 1
First of all, the reason why women usually not to get the respect in military job because of the endurance of physical strength are limited in women gene that make them less suitable for the role of harsh jobs. For example, they taking part in training programs with huge exercises for muscles and strength, or going to the dangerous crime scenes to detect criminal and chase them. It is true that they weaker than men
This paragraph attempts to present an argument but lacks clarity and coherence. There are significant grammatical errors, such as 'women usually not to get' and 'are limited in women gene.' The argument lacks depth and is not well supported by the example provided.
Body paragraph 2
However, in difference areas women can show the better of performance in giving advance or medical health care, the empathy with old and toddler which men can not do like that. They can reduce the pressure put on men in physical tasks when doing emotional contact. For example, female easily communicate with witness in crime scene by using warm voice tone and lightly behaviours that can make people feel more comfortable
This paragraph shifts the focus to women's strengths in other areas but lacks a clear connection to the main argument. The examples provided are vague, and there are several grammatical errors, such as 'difference areas' and 'female easily communicate.'
Conclusion
My opinion make sure that women need to be more fair nowadays cause of they have proven their capabilities in various roles such as physics like Marie Curie studied of radioactivity In conclusion, although it is undeniable that women are weaker than men, people should give women an equal treatment because of equality rights and talents of them
The conclusion attempts to restate the argument but is poorly structured and contains grammatical errors. The reference to Marie Curie is unclear and not effectively linked to the main topic. The final sentence lacks clarity and coherence.
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Địa chỉ: 63 Vũ Ngọc Phan, Láng Hạ, Đống Đa, Hà Nội
