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5
Overall Band
5
Task Response
5
Coherence
5
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay provides a basic description of the line graph but lacks precision and clarity. The information is presented in a somewhat disorganized manner, and there are notable issues with grammar, vocabulary, and coherence.
The essay attempts to address the task by describing trends in the graph. However, it lacks detail and precision in its analysis. The trends are not consistently described accurately, and the essay does not fully explore the implications or reasons behind the data trends. Additionally, there is some confusion in the use of terms such as 'predominant data'.
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the cohesion between ideas is weak, and transitions between points are not smooth. The organization of information could be improved to enhance clarity and flow.
The vocabulary used is limited and sometimes inaccurate, affecting the clarity of the essay. Phrases like 'predominant data' are misused, and there is a lack of variety in word choice. Some phrases are awkwardly constructed.
There are frequent grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms and article usage. Such errors distract from the overall meaning and clarity of the essay. Sentence structures are mostly simple and lack complexity.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Introduction
The line graph illustrates the number of international students at an university in Canadian, within a period of twenty years, from 1995 to 2015.
The introduction attempts to set the context for the essay but contains a grammatical error ('an university in Canadian'). It could be more precise in describing the graph's content.
Body paragraph 1
Overall, while the amount of oversea students from Africa and Europe underwent an upward trend during the period, that of South America witnessed an opposite trend. Additionally, although only a few number of African students enrolled in this university initially, it became the predominant data at the end of the surveyed period.
This paragraph gives a general overview but lacks clarity and precision. The terms 'oversea students' and 'predominant data' are misused. More specific data points could be mentioned to support the trends described.
Body paragraph 2
Regarding students from Africa and Europe, they are started at a low rate, with a mere minority of about 47 and 49 students, respectively. While the data of European students only recorded a sharp increase from 50 to about 120 students after a plateau in the first 15 years, its African counterpart experienced a gradual rise throughout the given years, from about 47 to over 120 students, making the number of students from Africa the most predominant.
This paragraph provides some specific data but lacks clarity. The description of trends is confusing, particularly the mention of a 'plateau' and 'sharp increase.' The comparison could be more clearly articulated.
Conclusion
Concerning the remaining students group, Asia and South America, the figure for Asian students remained steady during the twenty years, despite some marginal fluctuations, varying around 60%. The number of students from South America had experienced some significant variations, from around 52 students in 1995, to a near low point of just over 50 students in the next decade. In 2010, the number of South American students enrolled in this Canadian university was the highest, at nearly 55 students. This figure then dropped noticeably to 50 students at the end of the period.
The conclusion attempts to summarize trends for Asia and South America but is somewhat disorganized. The paragraph could be split for clarity, and the description of trends for Asian students is incorrect ('varying around 60%' is misleading).
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