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5.5
Overall Band
5
Task Response
5
Coherence
6
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay provides a basic overview of the data presented in the line graph, but there are several areas that require improvement. The response lacks a clear and consistent structure, with some inaccuracies in data interpretation and expression. Additionally, there are grammatical errors and limited use of cohesive devices, which affect the overall readability.
The essay attempts to address the task by describing the trends shown in the graph, but it lacks depth and precision. Some data points are not accurately described, and there is a lack of insightful analysis or conclusions drawn from the data. The response could be improved by providing a clearer overview and highlighting key trends and comparisons.
The essay lacks a clear logical structure, with ideas and data points not well-organized. There is limited use of linking words to connect ideas, making the essay less cohesive. The introduction and conclusion are present, but the body paragraphs lack clear topic sentences and transitions between ideas.
The vocabulary used is generally adequate for the task, with some attempt to use less common lexical items. However, there are instances of inappropriate word choice and phrasing. The essay could benefit from a wider range of vocabulary and more precise usage to convey the trends and data more effectively.
There are frequent grammatical errors throughout the essay, particularly in sentence structure, subject-verb agreement, and punctuation. These errors affect the clarity of the message. The essay would benefit from more complex sentence structures and greater grammatical accuracy.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Introduction
The line graph illustrates the number of students coming from different areas in Canada from 1995 to 2015. Overall, all of the quantities of international students at Canadian College tend to vary over 20 years except for international students who come from Africa.
The introduction attempts to summarize the graph's content but lacks clarity and precision. It inaccurately states that all numbers vary, except for African students. A clearer thesis statement and a more accurate summary of the data are needed.
Body paragraph 1
Looking the line graph includes the number of international students who were African and European people. The number of university students coming from Africa rocketed from nearly 50 students to about 125 students in the period between 1995 and 2015. The quantity of European students at a Canadian University saw a slight increase from 1995 to 2010 began with nearly 50 students to by exactly 50 students. The number of students coming from European countries grew considerably reached to over 100 students after those 15 years.
The paragraph attempts to describe trends for African and European students but contains inaccuracies and awkward phrasing. The description of trends is not clear, and the sentence structure is problematic. More precise language and clearer explanations of data trends are needed.
Body paragraph 2
Regarding the line graph shows the quantities of international students who came from Asia and South America nations, there were fluctuated statistic over 20 years. The number of South America students at a Canadian University saw a variation between 1995 and 2015 with the lowest point was 50 students in 2005 and the highest one was about 70 students in 2010. The number of university students coming from Asia varied over 20 years, which each 5 years began 1995 and 2005 there were mild increase.
The paragraph addresses trends for Asian and South American students but lacks clarity and coherence. The description of fluctuations is vague, and the grammar issues hinder understanding. A clearer structure and more accurate descriptions are necessary.
Conclusion
The essay lacks a conclusion paragraph. A conclusion should summarize the main trends and insights from the data, providing a clear end to the essay.
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