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5
Overall Band
5
Task Response
5
Coherence
5
Lexical
5
Grammar
The essay presents a basic description of the line graph with some relevant data. However, it lacks clarity, organization, and a clear understanding of the task. There are several grammatical and lexical errors that affect the readability and coherence of the essay.
The essay attempts to address the task by describing the line graph and changes over time. However, it lacks a clear overview and fails to accurately summarize the main trends and comparisons. The data is presented in a somewhat confusing manner, and the response does not fully meet the task's requirements.
The essay lacks clear organization and logical progression of ideas. There are some attempts to organize information into paragraphs, but the overall structure is weak. Cohesive devices are used, but not always effectively, leading to a lack of coherence.
The vocabulary used is limited and sometimes inappropriate, which affects the clarity of the essay. There are some attempts to use less common words, but these are often inaccurate or awkward. There is a need for a wider range of vocabulary and more precise word choice.
There are several grammatical errors throughout the essay, particularly with verb tenses and sentence structure. These errors often impede understanding and detract from the overall quality of the writing. There is a need for greater grammatical range and accuracy.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Introduction
The line graph illustrates the number of students coming from different areas in Canada from 1995 to 2015. Overall, all of the quantities of international students at Canadian College tend to vary over 20 years except for international students who come from Africa
The introduction attempts to introduce the topic and provide an overview but lacks clarity and precision. The statement about African students is inaccurate as the essay later states they increased. The introduction needs a clearer overview of the trends.
Body paragraph 1
Looking the line graph includes the number of international students who were African and European people. The number of university students coming from Africa rocketed from nearly 50 students to about 125 students in the period between 1995 and 2015. The quantity of European students at a Canadian University saw a slight increase from 1995 to 2010 began with nearly 50 students to by exactly 50 students. The number of students coming from European countries grew considerably reached to over 100 students after those 15 years.
This paragraph contains relevant data but is poorly organized and lacks clarity. The description of European student trends is confusing and inaccurately presented. Sentences are awkwardly structured, and the use of vocabulary is limited and sometimes incorrect.
Body paragraph 2
Regarding the line graph shows the quantities of international students who came from Asia and South America nations, there were fluctuated statistic over 20 years. The number of South America students at a Canadian University saw a variation between 1995 and 2015 with the lowest point was 50 students in 2005 and the highest one was about 70 students in 2010. The number of university students coming from Asia varied over 20 years, which each 5 years began 1995 and 2005 there were mild increase.
This paragraph also attempts to describe changes over time but lacks clarity and precision. The description of trends is vague and contains grammatical errors that affect understanding. The paragraph lacks a clear focus and effective use of cohesion.
Conclusion
The essay lacks a conclusion. A brief summary of the main trends and a restatement of the overall overview would be beneficial to conclude the essay effectively.
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