Evaluation for Question #9037

Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country’s police force or military force, such as the army, while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Question

Your Essay

Some individuals assume that women should have equal responsibilities as men in armed forces such as the army. However, others argue that women cannot participate equally in these roles. In my opinion, although females have physical differences and they could cause lower team effectiveness, they also provide some special abilities and are supported by modern training methods and technology, which help them work alongside with males in military or police jobs.
On the one hand, the major reason why women should not serve in law enforcement like men is that they have physical barriers compared to their male counterparts, potentially affecting their performance in harsh conditions. In military jobs, physical strength is one of the most essential factors, being required for all individuals participating in those roles. However, women do not have equal physical standards as men, which makes them prone to injuries while training or performing duties. Additionally, mixed-gender military units could face distractions, which negatively affect team operation or cohesion. Critics argue that a team with both men and women might have arising conflicts of gender stereotypes among teammates. As a consequence, they cannot cooperate peacefully, leading to decreased overall team effectiveness.
On the other hand, women can offer some unique qualities such as empathy or communication skills, which can enhance operations in specific situations. For example, in cases of domestic violence, females are more sensitive and have a better understanding of the incident than male, enabling them to perform and solve the problems more efficiently. As a result, these traits could help women officers achieve exceptional results, proving that it is reasonable to allow females in military roles.  Furthermore, although females have lower physical health capabilities, it would no longer be a disadvantage since there is significantly growing modern training and technology.  These technological developments, such as weapons or drones, could enhance female officers' ability to carry out physically demanding tasks more easily and effectively. Therefore, the physical gap between genders would be mitigated, which ensures that women can have equal access to armed forces.
In conclusion, despite of physical limitations and the risk of conflicts among officers while integrating women in law enforcements, I still believe that females should have the equal roles in these jobs due to their insights in certain contexts and assistance from technological advancements, which completely make it possible for women to serve in police and military force.

You can edit this text for your reference. Changes will not be saved.

Overall Band

Task Response

Coherence

Lexical

Grammar

The essay presents a balanced discussion on the involvement of women in military and police forces, addressing both sides of the argument effectively. The writer provides a clear opinion and supports it with relevant examples and reasoning. However, there are some areas where the argument could be more developed, and minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing detract from the overall quality.

The essay effectively discusses both views on the topic and provides a clear personal opinion. The writer supports their stance with relevant examples and reasoning, though there could be more in-depth exploration of the counterarguments. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points, reinforcing the writer's opinion.

The essay is generally well-organized, with clear paragraphing and logical progression of ideas. Transitional phrases are used effectively to connect ideas, although there are some areas where cohesion could be improved, particularly in linking back to the central argument more consistently.

The writer demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, using some topic-specific terms accurately. However, there are occasional lapses in word choice and awkward phrasing that slightly impede clarity. Further variety and precision in vocabulary would enhance the lexical resource.

The essay contains a mix of sentence structures, but there are some grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms and awkward phrasing, which impact the overall readability. Improving grammatical accuracy and range would contribute positively to the essay.

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Question:
Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country’s police force or military force, such as the army, while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Introduction

The introduction sets up the topic well and presents a clear thesis statement. However, the sentence structure could be improved for clarity and conciseness.

Body paragraph 1

On the one hand, the major reason why women should not serve in law enforcement like men is that they have physical barriers compared to their male counterparts, potentially affecting their performance in harsh conditions. In military jobs, physical strength is one of the most essential factors, being required for all individuals participating in those roles. However, women do not have equal physical standards as men, which makes them prone to injuries while training or performing duties. Additionally, mixed-gender military units could face distractions, which negatively affect team operation or cohesion. Critics argue that a team with both men and women might have arising conflicts of gender stereotypes among teammates. As a consequence, they cannot cooperate peacefully, leading to decreased overall team effectiveness.

This paragraph presents arguments against women in military roles effectively, with logical reasoning and examples. However, some sentences are lengthy and could be broken down for clarity. More exploration of counterarguments could strengthen the discussion.

Body paragraph 2

On the other hand, women can offer some unique qualities such as empathy or communication skills, which can enhance operations in specific situations. For example, in cases of domestic violence, females are more sensitive and have a better understanding of the incident than male, enabling them to perform and solve the problems more efficiently. As a result, these traits could help women officers achieve exceptional results, proving that it is reasonable to allow females in military roles. Furthermore, although females have lower physical health capabilities, it would no longer be a disadvantage since there is significantly growing modern training and technology. These technological developments, such as weapons or drones, could enhance female officers' ability to carry out physically demanding tasks more easily and effectively. Therefore, the physical gap between genders would be mitigated, which ensures that women can have equal access to armed forces.

The paragraph presents strong arguments supporting women's roles in military and police forces, supported by relevant examples. The use of technology as a supportive argument is well-articulated. However, some sentences are awkwardly phrased and could be restructured for better clarity.

Conclusion

In conclusion, despite of physical limitations and the risk of conflicts among officers while integrating women in law enforcements, I still believe that females should have the equal roles in these jobs due to their insights in certain contexts and assistance from technological advancements, which completely make it possible for women to serve in police and military force.

The conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments and restates the writer's opinion. Minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing slightly detract from the clarity of the conclusion.

Evaluation for Question #9037

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

Đăng ký học với AIM8IELTS.com

Links

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công

(+84) 0383-096-717

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN

(+84) 0383-096-717

Evaluation for Question #9037

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

Đăng ký học với AIM8IELTS.com

Links

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công​

(+84) 0383-096-717

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN​

(+84) 0383-096-717

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN