Evaluation for Question #9470

Evaluate this IELTS Writing Task 2 answer

Question

Evaluate this IELTS Writing Task 2 answer

Your Essay

Some people argue that because everyone needs a house to live, the governments should provide places for those who are homeless. From my point of view, I strongly disagree with this opinion for many reasons.
   It’s undeniable that providing free housing to poor people makes them contribute better to society. The person who received a new place to live by the government might feel pleasant. They will be more motivated to work and contribute to society because they can put down their burden of buying a house, reducing the financial pressure. From that, they will have more leisure time to focus on other interests or goals like enhancing their health by doing exercise at the gym, and have a chance to get academic pursuits to have career growth for themself. Therefore, people who are provided a house by the government can better contribute to the community and provide value to society. The country will be more developed and growing fastly in the future. 
   However, if the government provides free places for the poor, it may cause some negative impact in our society. First of all, it may cause social issues because some people who already have a house will feel a sense of inequality and it can breed resentment in themself, strongly disrupting social unity. Last but not least, when providing free houses for low-income individuals, the country has to strain the national budget and require significant investment in infrastructure, building houses, roads to meet poor people’s needs. Meanwhile, the government’s budget is limited and must also be allocated toward other sectors such as education, health care, and national security which are really important to a nation. As a result, this policy would prevent developments in these industries, affecting the nation’s future.
   Although providing free homes for low-income families has both pros and cons, I argue this idea is really impossible and not realistic with the country’s future.

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Overall Band

Task Response

Coherence

Lexical

Grammar

The essay addresses the task but lacks depth and clarity in its arguments. The writer's position is clear, but the development of ideas is not comprehensive. There are issues with cohesion, vocabulary, and grammatical accuracy that impede the overall clarity and effectiveness of the essay.

The essay presents a clear stance on the issue, but the arguments are not fully developed. There is a lack of balance in discussing both sides of the argument, and some points are not sufficiently supported with evidence or examples. The conclusion is abrupt and does not effectively summarize the main points.

The essay is organized into paragraphs, but transitions between ideas and paragraphs are not smooth. The cohesion within paragraphs could be improved, and there is some repetition of ideas. The lack of clear topic sentences and logical progression affects overall coherence.

The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary. Some word choices are inappropriate or awkward, and there are instances of repetition. The writer attempts to use some less common vocabulary, but with mixed success.

There are frequent grammatical errors throughout the essay, including incorrect word forms, verb tense issues, and awkward sentence structures. These errors sometimes obscure meaning and reduce the clarity of the essay.

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Question:
Evaluate this IELTS Writing Task 2 answer

Introduction

The introduction clearly states the writer's position but lacks a clear overview of the main points that will be discussed in the essay.

Body paragraph 1

It’s undeniable that providing free housing to poor people makes them contribute better to society. The person who received a new place to live by the government might feel pleasant. They will be more motivated to work and contribute to society because they can put down their burden of buying a house, reducing the financial pressure. From that, they will have more leisure time to focus on other interests or goals like enhancing their health by doing exercise at the gym, and have a chance to get academic pursuits to have career growth for themself. Therefore, people who are provided a house by the government can better contribute to the community and provide value to society. The country will be more developed and growing fastly in the future.

This paragraph presents an argument in favor of providing housing but contradicts the writer's stance. The ideas are not well-organized, and there is some repetition. The points made are not concretely supported with examples or evidence.

Body paragraph 2

However, if the government provides free places for the poor, it may cause some negative impact in our society. First of all, it may cause social issues because some people who already have a house will feel a sense of inequality and it can breed resentment in themself, strongly disrupting social unity. Last but not least, when providing free houses for low-income individuals, the country has to strain the national budget and require significant investment in infrastructure, building houses, roads to meet poor people’s needs. Meanwhile, the government’s budget is limited and must also be allocated toward other sectors such as education, health care, and national security which are really important to a nation. As a result, this policy would prevent developments in these industries, affecting the nation’s future.

This paragraph aligns with the writer's point of view and presents potential drawbacks of the policy. However, it lacks depth and concrete examples. The points are not fully developed, and the paragraph contains grammatical errors that affect clarity.

Conclusion

Although providing free homes for low-income families has both pros and cons, I argue this idea is really impossible and not realistic with the country’s future.

The conclusion is brief and does not effectively summarize the main points of the essay. It introduces the idea of pros and cons, which is not fully explored in the body paragraphs.

Evaluation for Question #9470

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

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Evaluation for Question #9470

Question

Your Essay

Detailed Analysis by Paragraph

Introduction

Body paragraph 1

Body paragraph 2

Conclusion

Đăng ký học với AIM8IELTS.com

Links

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công​

(+84) 0383-096-717

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN​

Bạn đã đăng ký thành công

ĐĂNG KÝ HỌC IELTS VỚI CÔ HUYỀN