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6
Overall Band
6
Task Response
6
Coherence
6
Lexical
6
Grammar
The essay addresses the task by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of communication technology, providing a balanced perspective. However, the response could be more developed with clearer examples and more cohesive linking between ideas. The language used is generally clear, though there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrases that affect clarity.
The essay responds to the task by presenting both sides of the argument regarding communication technology. However, the points made could be more fully developed, and the examples provided could be more specific and relevant. The conclusion summarizes the main points but could be more decisive in expressing the extent of agreement or disagreement.
The essay is organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, some transitions between ideas are not smooth, and there is a lack of clear linking phrases. The argument could be more logically structured to improve coherence.
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the task, but there is some repetition and lack of variety. Some phrases are awkward or unclear, which affects the precision and effectiveness of the language.
There are several grammatical errors, including incorrect word forms and sentence structures, which occasionally obscure meaning. The essay could benefit from more complex sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical usage.
Detailed Analysis by Paragraph
Question:
Evaluate this IELTS Writing Task 2 answer
Introduction
At present, many people think that communication technologies including: smartphones, tablets, and other devices are developed rapidly which brings about more drawbacks than benefits. In my opinion, although this advancement helps individuals to have accessibility anywhere and at any time, it can lead to stolen information by hackers due to weak security.
The introduction provides a clear statement of the issue and offers a thesis that outlines the two main points to be discussed. However, the phrasing is somewhat awkward, and the thesis could be more specific in stating the extent of agreement or disagreement.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, developing mobile devices can provide people with faster speed of wifi, sustainable connection which reduces transportation for meetings. With the integration of the internet and media platforms which are equipped with technology, we can be flexible in time and do not have to be rushed. For example, Zoom and Messenger are integrated communication devices which can help individuals to hold formal meetings and to get in touch with others within a small smart phone or a tablet. As a result, advancement in technology reduces the amount of effort in daily activities involving communication which help make social activities more easier and more accessible.
This paragraph presents advantages of communication technology with examples. The ideas are relevant, but the examples could be more detailed. Additionally, there are grammatical errors and awkward phrases that affect clarity, such as 'more easier' and 'sustainable connection.'
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand, fully equipped people with mobile devices make them inactive with physical action and easily to be deceived which result in smart phone addition. This is because there are many anonymous people who can hack and steal our information throughout technology. For instance, about over 1 million people around the world are hacked and their information is used illegally and impersonally as hackers utilize the security holes of communication devices. Consequently, these wrong uses can significantly damage users and threaten the security and privacy of people.
The paragraph discusses disadvantages, focusing on security issues. The points are relevant, but 'smart phone addition' seems unrelated to the main point. The example of hacking could be more specific and supported by evidence. Some sentences are awkwardly structured.
Conclusion
In a nutshell, according to the argument one can reach the conclusion that advancement in communication technology can provide users with accessibility and flexibility, but it can be a double-edged sword in which our information can be threatened by anonymous people.
The conclusion summarizes the main points but lacks a clear statement of the writer's stance. The phrase 'double-edged sword' is effective, but the conclusion could be stronger by clearly stating the extent of agreement or disagreement.
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