Essay with Grammar Corrections

Some people think that zoos are all cruel and should be closed down. Others however believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals.

Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Answer:

Many people argued argue that zoos are dangerous and it they can be risky for animals, while others believe that it they will have many advantages in protecting wild animals which have been extinct endangered recently. In this essay, I am going to discuss both perspectives and present my point of view.

On the one hand, zoos may affect badly to badly affect different types of animals. It They will force force those animals to live in captivity where they are kept in cages. People should let them live in their natural habitats because there are many species that can not cannot adapt to our environment. Additionally, zoos are almost often overcrowded, so sometimes it this will scare the animals. Nowadays, many young people visit the zoos and they keep throwing a lot of rocks and making jokes about animals. It This can lead to various physical and mental problems of for those poor animals.

On the other hand, zoos can bring many benefits to the animals in different ways. Firstly, it they will protect them from killing being killed in the wild. There are some predators which find wild animals to hunt and they poachers who make profits from their fur. Secondly, Zoos zoos can raise people's awareness by introducing and teaching those who come to see the animals. People will have more chances to know about its their behaviors and practices. For instance, children can learn and explore about some specific types of monkeys, elephants, and bears. Thirdly, zoos provide food and water to the animals, so they do not have to worry about starving. Zoos also take care of them when they are ill and need medicines.

In conclusion, I believe that the benefits zoos can bring to the wild animals outweigh the negative effects. Therefore, zoos are one of the best places that can bring peaceful and full life a peaceful and fulfilling life for different types of animals.

Error Table

Error Correction Explanation Type of Error
argued argue Incorrect verb tense Verb tense
it (referring to zoos) they Incorrect pronoun Pronoun agreement
extinct endangered Incorrect word choice Vocabulary
affect badly to badly affect Incorrect word order Syntax
It (referring to zoos) They Incorrect pronoun Pronoun agreement
will force force Unnecessary use of 'will' Verb tense
can not cannot Incorrect spelling Spelling
almost often Incorrect word choice Vocabulary
it (referring to overcrowding) this Incorrect pronoun Pronoun usage
a lot of [omit] Unnecessary phrase Wordiness
It (referring to throwing rocks) This Incorrect pronoun Pronoun usage
of (those poor animals) for Incorrect preposition Preposition usage
it (referring to zoos) they Incorrect pronoun Pronoun agreement
killing being killed Incorrect verb form Verb form
they (referring to hunters) poachers who Unclear pronoun reference Pronoun clarity
Zoos zoos Unnecessary capitalization Capitalization
its their Incorrect pronoun Pronoun agreement
about [omit] Unnecessary preposition Preposition usage
peaceful and full life a peaceful and fulfilling life Incorrect phrasing and missing article Phrasing and article usage

IELTS Writing Task 2 Assessment

Task Achievement

6

  • Addresses task, discussing both perspectives
  • Clear position in conclusion
  • Introduction could be more specific
  • Some ideas lack full development
Coherence and Cohesion

6

  • Clear overall structure
  • Logical paragraphing
  • Some use of cohesive devices, but repetitive
  • Flow between ideas could be smoother
Lexical Resource

6

  • Attempt to use less common vocabulary
  • Some good collocations
  • Instances of awkward phrasing
  • Adequate but not extensive vocabulary range
Grammatical Range and Accuracy

5

  • Mix of simple and complex sentences
  • Several grammatical errors
  • Issues with tenses and prepositions
  • Some logical errors in statements
Overall Band Score: 5.5 - 6.0
Areas for Improvement:
  1. Provide more specific examples and develop ideas fully
  2. Vary cohesive devices and improve flow between ideas
  3. Expand vocabulary range and use sophisticated lexical items accurately
  4. Focus on grammatical accuracy, particularly verb tenses and preposition usage
  5. Refine the introduction to clearly outline the essay's structure

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